A Little South of Normal

It's the simple things

2012-01-23T17:02:00.004-05:00

I panicked a few weeks ago when I heard that Hostess filed bankruptcy. At first it was mild panic. I really don't eat all that many Twinkies. But that soon changed to major panic when I realized that Hostess also equals Wonderbread. Honestly, what kind of world would this be without it?? I expressed my panic to J about the potential loss, and now he officially thinks I've lost my mind. This prompted the following conversation.

Me- " I don't know if I want to live in a world without Wonderbread. It seems so lonely"
J- "This is honestly what is stressing you out?"
Me- "How can I ever eat a PB & J without Wonderbread??? Or a grilled cheese sandwich?"
J-" Are you five??"

Of course this got me a little pissy because, well, I'm quitting smoking. And everything makes me a little pissy. I told him that he needs to appreciate the simpler things in life. Like PB & J on Wonderbread. Or a Rootbeer float. Cuddling with a kitten on a cold, snowy New England day. Sleeping until noon JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN.

I think I sold him on the rootbeer float, but I don't know if he's buying the rest. I still maintain that the world would be a cold and lonely place without a PB & J on Wonderbread.

Dating, fur babies and quitting smoking...the neurosis is in full swing.

2012-01-10T10:49:00.004-05:00

Every year I swear that I will write more than one post per month. Because my life is so bizarre at times, I really can't make this shit up. But I have commitment issues, so the blog sits neglected for weeks at a time. I blame Facebook. So this will be a cluster of randomness.

Speaking of commitment issues, I met a man. A real man. One worthy of keeping around. Oddly enough, I met him at a wedding that I went to in October. I was my mother's date. And yet, he ignored the warning signs and still gave me his card.
Now, that seems fairly normal, right? Not in my world. Honestly, we had the best time watching my mother get drunk and stopping random men in the groom's family hit on her. I kept trying to give him openings where he could ask for my number, etc. And he didn't bite. So I figured at this point, he's either gay, or not interested. But at 3 a.m. as I corralled my mother into the car, he gave me his business card. A week later, I finally emailed him with pictures from the wedding as an opening. IT WORKED! Of course, I figured he's going to bail at first chance, so I put all my neurosis right out there. But he sticks. And finds the silver lining in all the crazy.

Speaking of crazy...He survived a weekend at my house. As we live in different states, that made dating a bit difficult at first. But as he told me "my game travels", I took him on his word. On New Year's Eve weekend, he spent the weekend for the first time in the House of Chaos. For a man who has never had a pet in his life, he actually did very well with my neurotic Chihuahua, evil cat, and 4 month old psycho kitten (who has the kitty version of a deviated septum and snores louder than people). And HE CAME BACK. Even after the dog thought the best place to sit was on his chest with a paw pressing on his throat. Or woke up with the kitten sitting on his chest staring at him.

I'm actually starting to wonder if he may be a little crazy. I'm hoping so, because then we'll get along just fine.

I decided a few weeks ago that it was time to quit smoking. After I explained that he may want to run and hide, J told me that he is fully supportive of whatever I decide to do, and he wasn't trying to make me into his idea of Super Nora. He likes me just the way I am. I have to admit I melted a bit at that one.

Sunday was Day One of quitting. And it wasn't easy. And I was cranky as hell.
Day two was worse. I was border line homicidal yesterday. It's a good thing I work from home, and can't harm people. Around 11 am there was a banging at the door. Flower delivery!!! The card read "Day Two...Good luck!!" and there was no name on the card. So I called my Mom to thank her. Nope!! She didn't send them. J sent me flowers!! Aww... Really sweet, but what he didn't realize was that I was on the verge of breaking (don't ever get a kitten when you work from home) and the flowers were motivation. And guilt. Because he sent me flowers, I would feel like a total shit if I broke.

Day Three is today. It's a little better. But the dog decided that today will be the "Oh No, I can't walk on the kitchen floor" day. This happens from time to time. The day will be accompanied by whining and shrill barking. And me slamming my head into the wall chanting "Make it stop...Please make it stop"

By the end of the day, I may be sitting outside in the New England cold, rocking back and forth and drooling. Wish me luck. I'm going to need it.

Maybe I smoked too much weed...

2011-11-28T11:29:00.005-05:00

I decided that it would be a good idea to go to my 20th class reunion. So I sent in my $42, bought a dress, got my hair and nails done and the day after Thanksgiving, off I went.

From this I realized a few very important things.

I smoked WAY too much weed in high school. Honestly, I didn't know who half of those people were.
Thank god I moved away after graduation. I moved in '93 and never looked back. How is it that all those "cool" people I went to school with are total country bumpkins?
I was by far, the most overdressed person in the room. Some of the guys had on jeans. Half of the women didn't even bother with makeup. For Christ's sake, put in a little effort! You may have been hot shit 20 years ago, but now? You're just a hot mess.
Though it was nice when people didn't recognize me now (because I've learned how to use a flat iron, wear makeup, and sweet magnetic Jesus on the dashboard, I have boobs), it was a little disconcerting when I said my name, and they still had no idea who I was.
I spent 4 years with the most fake ass bitches. And though I have changed, they have not.

A few highlights from the night:

The rubber chicken was greatly enhanced by salt and the Southern Comfort I was drinking.
My arch-nemesis came up to me with the "OMG, how are you! You look amazing, Tara". My name is not, and never has been Tara. Or the 3 other names she called me before I let her off the hook and told her my name. It was fun watching the embarrassment on her face before I turned around and walked away.
Reconnecting with a guy I went to school with that was picked on by all the "cool" people, and watching the pride on his face when he detailed his achievements in life, while the "cool" ones never left the state.
Going to a bar after the reunion was over and watching every 38 yr old guy get snubbed by the 23 yr old bartender.
The praise I received by grabbing a 23 yr old guy to use as "Bartender Bait" and having that same cute 23 yr old guy hit on me for the rest of the night.

The lesson I learned from that night? I never have to do it again.

My True Love

2011-10-19T16:25:00.004-04:00

Apparently found me on Facebook today. Well, at least according to the message I received:

Hello sweetie.....
I am James Ans**** by name, well I got trapped when I was going through your profile and I was looking at your pic's over and over. Believe me you are the kind of person i would like to know more about and i won't mind if we could know each other better, so Let's try exchange some words and see if we might have anything in common.
I believe you and I are here for a purpose, so let’s see if we can make it happen. I am really interested in knowing and meeting you because I am carried away by your sweet looks and I bet you are an angel. Please write me back so we could keep on talking and see what we could make out of this ok.
About me, I am one simple man, down to earth, outgoing, a man who enjoys good things and good life, I love happiness and the last, one woman one man and am in search of a true love and a woman to make mine and build family together with.
I hope to read from you.
Have a wonderful day and God bless,
James.

This cracks me up for a few reasons:

He was "trapped in my pictures" My pictures are all on lock down to anyone that I'm not friends with.
We're both on FB for a purpose. Yup...Mine is to talk to my friends, and generally waste time.
He's carried away by my sweet looks and he knows I'm an angel... My profile picture is currently me sticking my tongue out...

What is wrong with people? I guess my true love and I are destined to never be together. Might as well get a few more cats!

The Return of Chaos

2011-10-11T16:30:00.006-04:00

As I posted earlier, after 20 years, I had to say goodbye to my best buddy, Max. And I realized after a few days how much chaos he actually had caused in my life on a daily basis. A few examples:

Max would wake me up at 6 am every morning looking for breakfast. And if I didn't get up, he would pace, meow (loudly), knock things over and pick fights with my other cat and the dog until I was annoyed enough to get up and feed him. And if I still didn't get up?

Well, he fed himself.

When I would eat dinner at night, Max would jump up to try and get at my dinner a minimum of 15 times.

I also realized that I missed the sound of purring in my ear at night when I go to bed. My other cat, Salem, is not cuddly. Max would have to sit ON me, not next to me. And the times that he did sit next to me, he had to be touching me.

His favorite place to hang out was on my shoulder like a parrot.

But yet I have been telling myself that I was not getting another cat, because there is no way I could replace Max. And I still believe that.

And then my friend who works at a vet's office posted this:

Cap't Jack needs a home!

I took one look at that face, and I was done. I knew he was coming home with me. He was from a litter of feral cats and a saint of a woman brought him in because he had a severe eye infection. They needed to remove his right eye and she paid the almost $400.00 vet bill to have him all fixed up.

That is how Willie came to live with us two weeks ago. Yes, his name is from the Goonies. It just suited him. And I'm not a fan of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, and I thought the Capt Jack reference was from the Billy Joel song, and I was not going to have a cat named after a song that talks about masturbating.

He is the best anti-depressant ever! I have also realized that God makes kittens and puppies so damn cute, so that we don't kill them.

Currently, we are trying to come to an agreement on the following:

My legs are not a ladder to higher surfaces
I don't stick my face in his food, he should not stick his in mine
Just because I let him sleep with me, he doesn't need to have the entire pillow
My feet are not toys. Neither are my fingers. Or the computer mouse. Or the toilet paper.

It will be interesting to see who is going to win. I have a feeling it's not going to be me.

The cuteness level is off the charts in this house, so I will end with this:

Please note that most photos are of him sleeping....because when he is awake? He's a little f*cker...and I adore him so.

Max

2011-10-05T17:08:00.004-04:00

Saying goodbye sucks.

There is no two ways about it. I've been putting this post off for over a month now. In August I had to say goodbye to my best buddy, Max. And yes, Max was a cat. But he was MY cat. And so much more.

When I was growing up, my mom was terrified of animals, and I wasn't allowed to have anything that wasn't caged. When I moved out into my first apartment, the first thing I did was get Max. Little did I know at that time, what he would come to mean to me over the years. 20 years to be exact. I grew from a girl to a woman with him by my side over the years.

I had more than one person say to me "He was just a cat"

Just a cat, my ass. He was so much more than that. He was the one constant in my life for 20 years! Every time I walked in my house for 20 years, he met me at the door.

I graduated from college, broke up with boyfriends (and two engagements). Got my first "real" job. Moved to Virginia Beach and lived on a sailboat. Moved back to Boston. Lived in a dozen crappy apartments and date more shitty men. Buried my grandparents and my father. Watched my niece and nephews come into the world. And every day when I came through that door?

Max was there waiting.

I don't know if I can accurately describe Max. My vet told me he had more character than any cat he's ever seen. Anyone who spent time around Max loved him. You had to. He didn't give you a choice. If you sat down, you were petting him, and your lap now became his. You could toss him down 50 times, and 50 times, he would jump right back up.

He was loud. A talker. When he wanted something, he would meow at me until he got it. And trust me, he could keep it up for HOURS. In the contest of wills, I lost every single time.

Every night when I went to bed, he was there, in his spot, right next to my pillow. With one paw on my arm. Over the years, men have come and gone, and for a time, occupied his "spot" on the bed. He didn't mind. He'd make them move over.

Over the years, we faced our challenges. He was diabetic for the last 10 years of his life. In the past 5 years, the vet told me more than once to "prepare myself" because he didn't think he'd make it. And every single time, he bounced back stronger than before. He still ran around the house like a kitten at 20, picking fights with my other cat and my dog. Still chased bugs in the house.

Until the day he turned his nose up at his breakfast. Max never refused food. So I watched him. After two days, I brought him in to see the vet. And he told me the words I never wanted to hear. His spirit and will to live were so strong, but his body was failing him. So I made the second toughest decision in my life, and said goodbye to my baby.

I held him in my arms, and he had his head under my chin and purred. And I said good bye to my best buddy.

My home, heart and life will never be the same.

And if I die before I wake...

2011-08-24T14:44:00.002-04:00

Someone please hide my porn.

Seriously.

OK, apparently now that I work from home, I have way too much time on my hands (no pun intended) to think of really strange shit. Of course, this came from watching an episode of "Storage Wars". (Hey, daytime tv is fascinating!)

Anyway, it's this show where people bid on storage lockers that people stopped paying on. But they don't know really what is in there when they bid. But they apparently always find porn and other assorted adult themed items. So it got me thinking.

I'm single. I live alone. And if I died, my mother would find my porn. And adult themed items.

So please have mercy on me. Break into my house and take the porn. I can't have my mothers last thoughts of me be "WHAT THE HELL???"

Drag Queen approved....

2011-07-01T15:26:00.004-04:00

I have a shoe addiction, as most women do. I seriously love shoes. They are like my babies. So I went shopping with a good friend of mine last weekend and saw a pair that I HAD TO HAVE. Seriously. They screamed at me as I walked by:

"You know you want me! Buy me! Take me home and love me forever!"

Then my unhelpful friend walks up and says "Oh, those shoes are SO you!"

So I lovingly pick them up and bring them to their new home in my closet. As I put them away, I'm already planning what to wear with them the next day.

Sunday morning comes. I get dressed, break out the shoes, admire them in the mirror and how damn cute they are and head out. First stop, Dunkin Donuts for coffee.

As I exit DD, have a little swing in my step because honestly, these shoes are Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz cute.

I hear a squeal followed by "Honey, those shoes are FABULOUS!"

I turn around smiling to say thank you, and there....there it was.

The WORST drag queen I have ever seen in my life. A purple wig that looked like it came off of Bozo the Clowns much less known sister, what I can only assume was a dress with matching lace tutu, ripped fishnets and black combat boots.

As if that wasn't bad enough, she/he had a 5 o'clock shadow. Now, I'm re-thinking the shoes.

It's one thing to be complemented by a fabulous drag queen, but this hot mess? Oh hell no.

Drag Queen Approved...

Common sense

2011-06-27T13:53:00.002-04:00

–noun

sound practical judgment that is independent of specialized knowledge, training, or the like; normal native intelligence.

So, my company is closing our physical remote offices, and setting the remaining two employees, my co-worker and myself, up in home offices. There are some good points and bad points to this whole thing.

First the good-

no more hour long commutes on 95, where I sit in traffic that is stopped for no good reason, as I mutter to myself, "There better be a dragon" (credit, John Porch)
I will no longer have to wait 2 hours for the plow truck to clear the driveway so I can attempt to leave for work, only to get there, and not be able to get in the parking lot, because that has not been plowed yet, turn around and drive two hours back home while looking for the dragon that MUST be here somewhere.
Have you seen gas prices lately?
Working in my pajamas. Ok, or at least sweats. Hell, I could work naked, and no one would know.
No more fast food for breakfast, lunch and dinner, because hell, I can cook healthy things!
I can sleep an hour longer, still have time for breakfast and coffee and STILL be early for work

The bad-

My cats and dogs may drive me crazy. Ok, maybe I should say crazier.
I will not see people. At all. Until 5 pm. The time I usually come home to relax.
No one will see my cute shoes (more on those later)

So far, the good outweigh the bad.

Now the issue that prompted this post. Our company has negotiated to break the lease on our current office space, and in that negotiation, it was determined that the landlords of the building would keep all our furniture. Which is great, because now I don't have to arrange to have it moved to storage. What is bad is that we're not even out of here, and things are disappearing daily.

First, they came in last week and took a few things out of my office. Which isn't a problem except I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH A CLIENT and they made a racket.

Today, I come in, the bookcases are now missing. But the kicker? The whiteboard in my office.

I looked up to get some information on a few dates for one of my clients, and the whiteboard was gone. Gone.

So I went over and asked if they took it. Yes, for their grandson. Huh? "I didn't think you needed it".

So let me get this straight. You didn't think I needed the whiteboard that was hanging on my wall, with all kinds of information written on it, that I didn't need but wrote down anyway. Because that's how I waste my time at work.

Yeah...common sense FAIL.

For My Safety....

2011-06-24T12:40:00.005-04:00

I think I need one of these....

And all I have to say about it is, Yes, I was sober.

People disgust me

2011-06-22T10:17:00.000-04:00

So I went to the Christmas Tree shops yesterday to get bird seed and parked next to a car with the cutest little Yorkie in it.

With the windows rolled up.

I was totally disgusted. So I went in, putzed around a little, got my bird seed and left. I was in the store about 20-25 minutes. I come back out, and the car is still there. I got pissed. So I waited about 5 minutes to see if the owner was coming out.

Now, mind you, the dog was fine for the moment. But it was 80 degrees out and the windows were all shut. I totally thought about smashing the window and rescuing the dog.

So I went inside and had them page “the owner of the a grey Toyota, your dog is not moving”. (The dog was fine) And then I went outside and leaned on the car and waited. This bimbo comes flying out of the store crying hysterically and running to the car.

I said to her, “Aren’t you glad your dog is OK? Next time that might not be the case”. Then I got in the car and left.

I hope some day that she gets locked in a metal box with no air.

Another fucked up day in my family

2011-03-21T22:22:00.000-04:00

I can't wait to move. I really can't wait. I need to get as far away from my family, and all of their issue and drama.

Ok, get comfortable, because this is a long one. Please share your thoughts when finished.

The Back story...two weeks ago, the IRS froze my sisters bank accounts because she and her not-yet-ex-husband decided not to pay takes in 2009, and the ex was in deep shit with the IRS on 2010. Mind you, we've all been telling her for 2 years that she needed to get her divorce final, because as long as she was legally married to him, his creditors could come after her. so, 2 yrs later, she's still not divorced. So the IRS froze her accounts. I guess they owe in excess of $20,000 together, and he owes another 30,000 on his own. Once she proved that they had been separated for 2 yrs, they unfroze her accounts while they investigated, and informed her that they may levy her accounts.

My father, sister and I all use the same bank. They know us there (which is really not the point). So last Friday when I was driving home, I get a text message from her saying " I need to deposit money in your bank account, what's your account number". I was driving so I ignored it. Then I get another one. "The IRS is going to levy my account, I need to put my money in your account".

So since I know this isn't right, I ignored it. And called my mom to see what she thought I should do. Now my sister starts calling me. Then her boyfriend calls me. I ignored both calls. I just didn't feel right about it, because she was transferring money into my bank account from hers, basically hiding it from the IRS. Which is illegal. They could track it to my account, and freeze MY accounts. So since my sister ignores me on a regular basis when I send her messages like "How are the kids?" , I ignored her until I could decide how to handle it.

Not two minutes later, I get a text from her "I put $2300 in your account. Withdraw the money for me and I'll come get it tomorrow."

WTF!!!

Now I'm pissed. The bank let her transfer money into my bank account OVER THE PHONE without my account number. They looked up my account by my name! That's hiding money from the IRS!!!

And if that's not bad enough, she expects me to run to the bank first thing in the morning and take the money out and wait around for her to come get it. FUCK NO! I have shit to do. See with my sister, she doesn't think of anyone but herself and when it works for her to do her favors.

So I don't hear from her again until Sunday night. Text again. "withdraw my money and I'll come to your office Monday"

My bosses are here from AL this week. I can't do that. Told her that she either has to wait until Thursday or come one night after work. I can't have her coming to the office when I'm in meetings all week.

Today.... I get a text message "Can you text me your account number so I can take the money out" I ignored it, as I had explained that my bosses are in the office, and I have meetings almost all day. And I can't just whip out my phone and start texting my sister.

Next text "I'm at the bank. i need your account number" I ignored it. (again...my bosses are here!)

Then she calls. twice. Which I ignore because again, MY BOSSES ARE HERE!

Then I get another text "it's all good, I got it"

So now I'm pissed. Because my sister or not, the bank let her transfer money out of my bank account without my account number, or permission, or even being at the bank!! Now stupid me, but I think this is a problem. The bank shouldn't let anyone take money out of my account. Family or not.

So when I ran out for lunch, I called the bank to complain. Then the text messages start pouring in. Ready for this? These are all from my sister. I did not correct the spelling so you can see what I'm dealing with.

Sis- "why did you call the bank? I was there at the bank. This lady can get fired for this. I texted u and told u they were going to transfer back my money. can u call me or call bank and tell the it was a misunderstanding! the lady only did it because I was there. she would never go into ur account and i didn't think u would call bank over me getting my money bank!"

Me- "Absolutely not. They should never take money from my account unless I am the one requesting it. Deposits are one thing"

Sis- "r u kidding me!!! it was my money that was in your account this lady did me a favor!!! only did it bc she knew the situation not like I had her take money that was urs. She knew it was my money and I told you we were going to transfer! I can not believe this lady is going to get fired over getting my fucking money!!! I hope some day you never ever find yourself in a situation that (ex) has put me in to have someone u thought u cud count on create so much drama! she putting money bank into ur account which over draws all my shit! send my money in a chk to my house

(Note...overdraws her account? This means she wrote checks on money that wasn't even in her account, and expected me to jump to whatever she needs me to do something)

Me- "I am not having this conversation

Sis- "you know that lady did nothing wrong and I was there!! Unbeliveable. I'm not ever having any conversation w you again! hope ur happy have a good person fired over doing nothing wrong and u know that! money going back into ur account! mail my check!"

Me- "You are missing the point. No one should be able to ever take money out of my bank account! I didn't do anything wrong"

Sis- "fuck ur point! u call rt now and say misunderstanding so she doesn't get fired or I'm completely done with you! she does not deserve to be fired! you tell me what time and day I can meet you at your bank to get my money!"

So now I'm tired of this shit. I didn't want to get the woman fired, I just don"t like the fact that they took money out with out my approval. so I called the bank. Turns out the BANK MANAGER was the one that did all this and wasn't in trouble at all. I explained my issue, told her I didn't feel comfortable and I understand that she was trying to help my sister. So we discussed the issue. Told her to leave the money in my sisters account because I don't want to deal with her.

I sent my sister one last message. "money is staying in your account. She did not get fired or in trouble and you need to think about what you say when you say you're not talking to me and your done with me because that's fucked up. You only talk to me when you need something to begin with and I have been there for you time and time again and this is how you treat me?"

Sis- " honestly! I should have never involved you that's my wrong. what u did is sooo fucked up, I'll never understand it. now that she is ok with her job, nothing to talk about"

umm...yeah...there is a lot to talk about. Like the fact that my sister is a selfish little bitch who doesn't think of anyone but herself. and said to me "I'm done with you" I'm not one of her little punk ass friends. I'm the sister always bails her ass out, and never asks for a thing!

I am so pissed, I can't even explain it. So...your thoughts???

Day One: Uber Bitch Status Achieved.

2011-02-22T11:11:00.000-05:00

Let me start out with a warning that this is officially day one of my quitting smoking adventure. So far I am off to a rocky start here. It's only 10:30 AM and I have reached "uber-bitch" status. Honestly, I don't even know if I'll be able to stand myself today.

I am also addicted to Facebook. Which normally isn't a problem. I love seeing what my friends have to say on a somewhat regular basis.   Until recently.

Annoyance # 1. I don't know if it's because I'm getting a little sensitive of my age, or that I found an ass load of gray hairs recently, or I've realized that I'm on the down slide to 40, but when I logged in and saw the following status from a friend, I thought I was going to lose my freaking mind.

"I have to admit, its a little disheartening to wake up and realize "crazy cat lady and/or old maid" are starting to look more and more attainable..... *sigh* :("

Now the first reason that I became annoyed is because I am seeing girls 10 years my junior posting crap like this on a regular basis. You are worried at 20 something that you're going to be an old maid?

Second reason. What is wrong with being single? My friend is a secure, intelligent woman. Not to mention that she is in the military and is off to spend a year in Afghanistan! Why is this still a society that women feel they are nothing without a man?

I mean, would I like to meet a man and settle down?    Absolutely. But I don't let it define who I am or my happiness, or my place in this world.

Annoyance # 2- I get an message from an old friend of mine on Facebook the other day. Now, when we first reconnected, I reached out with the "so great to see you! How's your life, catch me up" routine. if I remember correctly, I didn't really get a response. Until today.

I get an email "Hi Nora, How have you been? I would love to buy you a cup of coffee and tell you about my business".

So when I emailed him back with a chatty little message asking how he's been and how his new son is, I got the following " He's good. When would you like to hear about my business?"

At this point I realized that he really doesn't give a shit about me, or what's going on in my life, and has no desire to catch up.    Really? After 20 years, this is all you have to say?

Fuck you. "UNFRIEND"! Try again in another 20 years when you can pretend to be polite.

That's all I have for now. I'm sure as the nicotine withdrawals get worse there will be more. Please stand by.

Happy unimaginative. consumerist-oriented and entirely arbitrary, manipulative and shallow interpretation of romance day!

2011-02-14T13:27:00.000-05:00

And the hits just keep on coming

2011-01-16T21:21:00.000-05:00

Have you ever gotten to the point when you're so tired you just want to sleep for a month? I'm officially there.

My brother called first thing this morning with the news "Nana's on her way to the hospital". Ugh.... Of course this happens when my father is on vacation and I'm the only one handle it. But here's the best part. This woman is soooo damn stubborn.

She woke up with chest pains at 7 am. So she took a nitro (we're becoming pro's at managing her heart) and waited. Made a cup of coffee. Still had chest pains. Took another nitro. Made herself some toast. Took yet a THIRD nitro pill. Notice how I haven't said "Called her granddaughter"?

Finally, when she couldn't breathe, she decided to call 911. (Still no call to her granddaughter....) It is now almost 10 A.M.

Then my brother gets a phone call from his friend who has a scanner. "Do you know where your grandmother is?" Um....At home??? Apparently he heard on the scanner my grandmothers address and called my brother.

So I get in the car and drive the hour to the hospital. Once I knew she was all right for the moment, I asked her, when were you planning on calling us? Oh, I didn't want to bother you....

Really??? Really?? Didn't want to BOTHER US?? UGH!! She's so damn stubborn it drives me crazy! My father is listed as her emergency contact at the hospital. One problem. He's on a damn cruise ship and can't get calls.

I am SO.Tired.

New Year, New realizations and New Promises to myself

2011-01-04T18:52:00.001-05:00

***Warning!!! Rant to follow. It will contain a plethora of "I's and Me's****

It's 2011! Be positive! This is your year! Fuck you all.

Everyone looks back on the year before and swears to make changes in the upcoming year. Promises to themselves what they are going to change and all that happy horseshit. I'm going to lose weight, I'm going to save money, quit smoking...whatever. This year, I am making a resolution to myself. And one that I'm going to keep.

This year, I resolve to be selfish.

Along with my annual house cleaning spree, where I toss out everything that I really don't need, I've decided I'm also going to clean up my life this year. Physically and emotionally.

While I was throwing out bags after bags of junk (I'm afraid to become a hoarder), I had a lot of time to think over the events of the past year, and honestly? It's a damn good thing I'm not suicidal, because I'd slit my throat if I was. There was a situation that happened recently that made me take a good look at who I have in my life. The people I refer to as "friends". And then the realization hit me. They are not friends.

They are acquaintances.

I think I can probably count on one hand my dearest and closest friends. Those who truly know me. Those who know WHO I am. So I started thinking. I know who I am. But do they?

I've celebrated your birthday, your engagements, your weddings, the birth of your children.

I've supported your businesses, your bands, your art.

I'm the one that picks up the phone, send the email, make the plans.

I've supported you through breakups, through your trauma, your illnesses. I've listened to you cry for hours, days and weeks. I'm the first one to offer to lend a hand, a shoulder, an ear.

I use phrases like "It's no problem", "I'm happy to help", "Please let me know what I can do", and my favorite, "no worries".

And yet, I'm still described as a "bitch" or "hard".

And it makes me realize that you really don't know me. You don't know that I am fiercely protective of my family and friends. That I am fiercely loyal and that nothing feels worse than one of my loved ones hurting. That I will put aside my own life and issues to help you through yours.

I was recently told by a friend that I'm "intimidating" and that I slap on the whole "cold hard bitch, don't fuck with me" persona. And to be fair, yes, at times I do that.

And I've had my "A Ha!" moment.

The reason that I am like that is because of the times I've been disrespected, disappointed, taken for granted, and hurt by your words, your actions and your general disregard.

So get ready for some big changes this year.

This year I'm going to live up to the words "bitch", "diva", and "selfish".

This year I'm not going to be your designated driver, therapist, doctor, moving crew, piece of ass or whipping post. I am not going to be the one to pick up the phone, send the email or make the plans. I am done.

This year I am going to worry about my life, my relationships (or lack of ), my family and my overall happiness.

Some of you will think I'm a bitch. Others will realize that I'm being brutally honest. And for those that don't understand the place this is coming from? As my father used to say, "Take a long walk off a short pier".

Happy New Year people! Hope you enjoy it. I know that I will.

Peace and Love

2010-10-20T11:06:00.000-04:00

This is a Peace Lily that my family was sent 7 years ago when my Dad passed away. There was a bloom on it when we got it, and after the bloom fell off, it has not bloomed again. Until last week. The first time in almost 7 years!!! I think it's a message from my Grandmother letting us know that she's at peace now, and with the family.

Get a hobby

2010-10-08T15:19:00.000-04:00

Just when I think it's safe to leave the house, one of my friends posts this link on FB.

Reconsider Columbus Day. Really. Are you serious?

See, in my humble opinion this is what is wrong with this country. Why the hell are we worrying about something that happened hundreds of years ago? Why are we not worrying about the fact that the economy is in the shitter? Or that there is still homeless and starving children in this day and age? Get a hobby. Get a job. Focus your energy where you can do some good.

My friend was serious about it stating that he feels it's time to tell the truth in the history books. That all of the "heinous" crimes committed by Columbus be brought to the nation's attention. Well, who are we to say what the truth really is? None of us alive today were there. There are three sides to every story. Yours, Mine and the Truth. So what is the truth?

Things that happened hundreds of years ago can not be changed. Why not take the energy and money spent on this crap (IMO) and spend it where it can do some good? The past can not be changed. We can only educate ourselves and look into the future.

August 12, 2010

2010-10-05T21:28:00.001-04:00

On August 12, 2010 we lost my grandmother. The entire week was quite surreal. It started with a call from the nursing home telling us "Her condition has changed". Seriously. What the hell does that mean? Changed how? Should we come there now? What does that mean?

It's amazing to me how strong my family truly is. Within the hour, we were all at her bedside. I think she would have liked that. Despite the gravity of the situation, we were still able to laugh and celebrate her life. Even though she was unresponsive, I like to think she could hear us, and was smiling right along.

My mother asked me to read the letter that I wrote to her in my previous post in church. That was not the easiest thing I've had to do, but I feel that it described her. The only thing that makes it easier is that she's with my Grandfather again.

The thing that surprised me the most is my friends. Not a single one came to her services. NOT ONE! Where is the respect, people? And the whole "She lived a long life". Yes. She did. But somehow I still feel like I've been cheated. Like there was so much left that I had to learn from her that I didn't get a chance to.

So there was a guy I had been dating when she passed. He didn't go to any of her services. He felt it was "too emotionally taxing of an event" for him to attend this early in our relationship. Um...really? Emotionally taxing? On you? Seriously. But wait!!! He was "falling in love with me". He wouldn't know what that was even if he was pushed off a cliff. So when I called things off, he was surprised because he felt he was "supportive". Of who? I didn't even get a phone call. Only text messages.

Now, I'm not (totally) stuck up. I give people the benefit of the doubt. But this answered the question, "why are you still single at 44?" Well, other than the fact that you live with your mother, work at Stop and Shop and think that it's odd to go out for dinner on a Monday night.

Dismissed!!! Next!!!!

A Letter to my Grandmother on her 90th Birthday

2010-06-13T01:24:00.000-04:00

Gram,

On the occasion of your 90th birthday, I wanted to take some time and share my thoughts and memories with you. I have been blessed with 37 wonderful years of my life with you. Starting with my childhood, I remember so many wonderful days. Dancing with you and Papa to whatever happened to be playing, sitting with you while you patiently taught your granddaughter to knit, to cook, to sew a button. Trips to the Cape where you ignored Mom and got my ears pierced to make me happy. Coming to your house on a Sunday to the smell of garlic and tomatoes wafting down the stairs. Waking up in the middle of the night coughing, and you would be right there with saltines and ginger ale to help the cough and settle the stomach. I could go on for hours with the wonderful memories.

You taught me so many lessons in life, without even realizing you were teaching. You taught me that it doesn't matter how rich your bank account is, what's important is how rich your life is. You worked your entire life for very little. While you may not have had a million dollars in the bank, when it came to life and love, you were a millionaire 10 times over. You taught me that pride isn't about what you own, but where you come from.

I learned how to swear in Italian. How to make meatballs. The words to every Dean Martin song. That Sunday is a time for family. That if you drop a fork, it means that company is coming. That Ponds cold cream is the best way to take off makeup, and the secret to a long life can be found in red wine, garlic and olive oil.

I learned that love can be found in food, in song, in touch. That grace is something that can be learned and how to live everyday with grace and dignity. I learned what love is supposed to look like while watching you and Papa over the final years of his life. I watched him after 50 years, shaking at the back of the church because he was nervous that this time you might say no.

I learned from you that the best love is not earned, but freely given, and given with everything you have. It is not conditional.

I learned that love is never quiet. And is always expressed in everything you do.

So on the occasion of your 90th birthday, I wish you love.

What Love Looks Like.

2010-04-25T22:24:00.000-04:00

Nora Got Her Groove Back

2010-04-20T22:29:00.000-04:00

I've been in a bit of a funk as of late. And realized that part of it is the whole turning 37 thing. I'm not sure why I'm having a hard time with it this year. It's never really bothered me before. Maybe it's watching all of my younger friends get married and settle down, and I still can't find a guy I can stand for more than a few hours at a time.

I don't really know what it is actually. All of a sudden, not only did I start feeling old, I started acting it. Hell, I swear I didn't shave a damn thing all winter. I could have starred in a 70's porno.

Well, Nora got her groove back this weekend. My best friend's bachelorette party. Maybe it was because I was the oldest of the girls that went out, so I felt I had to step up my game a bit.

What a freaking blast. This old girl got two numbers, thank you very much. And one of them is only 23. Pretty good on the ego. And I realized what I've been missing. Having fun. I don't need to marry them. Hell, I don't even need to date them. Screw the double standard. When my new "friend" called the other day, I told him straight up. It won't go anywhere. There is only one thing we have in common, so let's cut to the chase and be friends with benefits. The poor boy was speechless.

How many time can 23 go into 37? I'll let you know.

Ugh....

2010-04-15T21:39:00.001-04:00

Somehow my life has turned into a giant clusterfuck of shit. It seems like just when I think things are going to turn around, WHAM!   More shit. Not that my life is horrible by any means. It just seems like everything hits the fan at the same time.

First the small, but annoying shit. Paul is gone. Why can't I find a guy with a set of balls? I'm so tired of the "Hi sweetie" shit. The "you never call, or text me". Seriously. GROW A SET! Do you really need to be up my ass 24/7? I just talked to you an hour ago, so why are you texting me now? I had nothing to say then, and I have nothing to say now. It all ended in a small misunderstanding that blew up, and he hung up on me. How rude! Then after a week of not hearing from him, I made a comment on FB about "Sometimes there is no drama, no closure, no goodbyes. Sometimes it's just over." THEN I finally here from him. He sends me a text asking if I wanted to get together for a drink and talk. After a week of silence? Nah. I'm all set.

Two days later, I get a text message from a number I didn't recognize asking how I was. When I asked who it was, I get this.."The guy who was a total ass to you and never apologized."

Like that narrows it down. Turns out it was a guy that I had dated a few years ago. His ex came back on the scene, and he decided that he needed to see if they could make things work. It crushed me for a bit, but I healed and moved on. And deleted him from my phone. Well, apparently he is no longer with the ex, and now wants me to give him another chance. I am so torn. I was crazy about this guy, and while we were together, he treated me wonderful. And my family loved him, and he liked them as well. And he's a MAN. Plays semi-pro football, owns his own house, owns his own business. Loves animals. Is smoking hot. Knows how to show affection without being a pussy about it.   So I don't know what to do. I guess I'm just going to play it by ear.

And now for the big one... this is the one that devastates me the most. My grandmother is in hospice. And it totally sucks. Granted, she has lived a long and wonderful life, and has lived it without regrets and with abandon. It's just so hard to see the shell of a woman that she once was. So vibrant and full of life, and now she can't even open her eyes. She has a double whammy of Parkinson's and dementia. A few weeks ago, she pretty much stopped eating and drinking. They are estimating 1-3 months. We think it's closer to one. I went to see her the other night, and spent a few hours with her. I was fine until they came to put her to bed. They have to put her in a lift to move her into bed now. I should have left sooner, but as I was walking out, I looked back and saw her suspended in the lift, and I almost lost it. For the first time I realized that this is it. I've decided that getting old is cruel and unnatural punishment for a life well lived.

I truly thought I was going to fall apart, but because my mother was there, I had to keep it in. That's the hard part of being the strong one in the family. There is no one to lean on when you need a little help.

So excuse me if this becomes my dumping ground of emotions over the upcoming weeks. Only 126 days, 22 hours, 58 minutes and 15 seconds until vacation.

It's the Great Flood, Charlie Brown!

2010-04-06T22:31:00.001-04:00

Mother Nature deserves a smack. Just saying! The weather here in the Boston area has been CRAZY! Last week we had four days of straight rain. This followed up three days of rain the previous week. Know what happens when it rains a lot and the rivers can't take it? Yeah, it floods. A lot.

This is the parking lot across the street from my house. No, it's not a lake. See the silver car? Yeah, the genius who owns it decided she would help out the other genius who owns the blue car. By driving through the "lake". I'll give you two guesses what happened.

And to make it worse, Genius Silver Car had her children in the car. Who freaked out when the water started pouring in the doors. **shakes head**

I set my alarm to go off every hour during the night to make sure the water didn't rise enough to get to my house. Just in case, I had a bag packed, the cat and dog supplies at the ready.

Next! I've been in a battle with my slumlord since December about the black mold that covers my bathroom. I'm finally getting the issue taken care of. It only took reporting him to the Board of Health to finally get something done. He's very polite at the moment. So last week, I was told I had to be out of the house for two days so they could treat the walls. I had to be out Wednesday and Thursday. I was already packed in case of flooding, so that helped a bit. I loaded up the car with my things, pet supplies and my two cats and dog. My cats were not happy. It took three trips to get everything into the hotel room.

Around 5 o'clock I got a call from the company who was supposed to be working on my apartment to inform me that it was too big of a job to do in one night, so they left. Are you f*cking with me? I'm already checked into the hotel. I can't get my money back and I can't get one of my cats to come out from under the bed. So I called the landlord and shared the news. He was equally as pissed as I was. It was decided that I would spend the night in the hotel and go home the next day. What a freaking pain in the ass! My cats hate me right now. I swear they would have killed me in my sleep. There was one amusing part to the night. Granted, it wasn't amusing at the time, but hysterical now.

At 3 am, I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. Which woke up my cat Max. Who decided to keep walking on the nightstand. And on the phone. And on the speaker button on the phone. And dialing random rooms at 3 in the morning. After the third time he did it, I had to unplug the phone.

So the mold is apparently going to be taken care of on Friday. I'm not holding my breath.

Oh for f*cks sake!

2010-03-16T21:53:00.001-04:00

Every year I tell myself, "Nora, you will NOT get sucked into American Idol". And every year I do.

WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?

First off, I think the "talent" on this season is the worst so far.

Secondly, what is with this make it your own shit? I swear to god that every single one has to rearrange the songs.

"Oh...I'm 12 years old...singing this song by the Beatles...here's a part of the melody they wrote wrong....i'll just fix it for them...cause i know better..."

There are certain artists that you just don't mess with. The Beatles, The Stones and Elvis (I'm sure there are more). These artists have sold millions of albums. Don't mess with it.

I have to go change the channel before I throw the remote through the TV.

**climbs off of soapbox**

Don't you just love this guy?

2010-02-25T15:36:00.000-05:00

In today's economy when people are losing their jobs left and right, and have serious money issues, the banks are the worst. They screw you over for EVERYTHING. Wouldn't you just like to fight back sometimes? I want to be just like Terry Hoskins when I grow up.

Serial Dating

2010-02-22T22:42:00.003-05:00

After my last try at a relationship went miserably wrong, I had a few choices. Take time off and figure out why the hell I feel nothing when I'm in a relationship, or become a serial dater, and date every guy who asks. This one was tough. I took a few weeks and contemplated. I realized that maybe the problem is not that I'm afraid of commitment. I'm just not meeting the kind of guy that I want to commit to.

With that in mind, I decided to try online dating. When coming up with my profile, I tried to put as much about me and what I liked and didn't like so my perspective "dates" knew what they were getting into. I'm kind of an experience you have to meet to really understand. Not a total diva, but I know what I like and won't settle for, and hell, at almost 37, I don't feel like I have to settle. So it went a little something like this:

Hello! Thanks for stopping by! Let's see...a little about me. I am 36, never married and I have no children. I know your asking "Wait...what's wrong with her?" Well, to be honest, I can be kind of fussy. That's not always a bad thing. I know what I want, and what I like. Ok. A bit more...

I'm short. But I have an abundance of high heels.
I have two cats and a dog that I adore. Please do not contact me if you are allergic to either. I will always have a pet.
I don't do drama. I don't play games. Life is too short for it.
I love music! All kinds. Well, except maybe for polka. But if it's at an Italian wedding, who knows!
Yes, I'm Italian. Along with being Italian, comes the Italian "booty". If you can't appreciate it, then I'm not your girl.
I love to travel. I try to go on at least one good trip a year. Somewhere warm.
Speaking of warm...I don't do cold. I'm sure there are women who love to ski and other various winter sports. I'm not that girl. At a ski lodge, I'm the girl sitting by the fire with a drink.

I love vacations, but my idea of a vacation does not include camping. The wildlife and I have an understanding. I don't sleep in their house, they don't sleep in mine. My idea of camping is a hotel that doesn't have a remote for the T.V.

So now that you know a bit about me, it's your turn! If you choose to contact me, please send me something more than "hi". That doesn't give me much to go on.

I thought that was a good start to let them know about the deal breakers up front. I'm not an outdoorsy girl. I'd much rather go to the beach than to a mountain.

Then I waited. It only took about 5 minutes before my email notification started going nuts. I figured, either that there are a lot of desperate men out there, or I was just that damn hot! With in a day I had over 50 emails to weed through.    I got a good rhythm with the delete/block button. Anyone who just sent me "Hi", I deleted without even looking at their profile. Because obviously, they didn't get to the end of my profile where I specifically asked send me more than "hi". I mean, how is that a conversation starter? If I were to respond back "Hi", then what next? Do they say hi back? DELETE.

It soon became clear that most of these men NEVER read my profile. They saw a pretty face and sent me a message. They didn't care about WHO I was. Just what I looked like. I know it needs to start with a physical attraction, but what if I had listed that I had 10 kids and I would like to give the Duggers a run for their money?   So being a little shallow myself, if they didn't have a picture, I didn't respond. Because you know they look like crazy cousin Eddie from under the sink. The guy who was 81? DELETE!!! The ones that had profiles that said they love camping and skiing? I politely sent messages saying "Thank you for your message, but I don't feel we have much in common, good luck in your search". (When I really wanted to say WTF!) There was the guy that tried to get me to go to his house for the first date so he could cook me dinner, and didn't understand why I would feel uncomfortable with that. The guy that sent me a text at 3 a.m. asking of I was awake. Then told me he was a cop protecting a guy in witness protection, and did I want to swing by the hotel. The best was the guy that on his profile said "I don't need viagra to keep up the swagga". Seriously?

So, I weeded out a few contenders. And decided to see what was out there, so I would fit as many dates in as possible. The first week I had one on Friday, one Saturday, two Sunday, one Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

By the end of the week, I was exhausted! I didn't want to talk about myself anymore. I didn't want to meet anyone else and hear their baby mama drama! A few highlights, you ask?

Kevin- We met to see a band and have a few drinks. He kept telling me how great he thought I was and how beautiful he thought I was. Since the bar was an hour away from my house, he graciously offered to let me stay at his house. Which I declined. After the bar closed we decided to grab something to eat. He offered to cook me breakfast, but I preferred the diner. When he walked me to my car, he went in for the kiss. I gave him the cheek. The next day? He sent me a message that he thinks we're more suited as "friends". Piss off pal, I have enough friends. What did you think last night was? An ad on Craig's list?

Harry The 4th- yes, he signed all of his messages like that. I will admit, I was a bit jealous. I wanted a roman numeral after my name. So I am now Nora the First. Anyway, he was a histologist (which I had to look up. Something to do with cells and medical stuff) and also was a massage therapist. Thought he might have had potential. I could look past the part where he had to be home by 9 to play Dungeons and Dragons with his buddies. I mean, it's better than a strip club, right? What I couldn't overlook is how he kept trying to mentally throw me off balance to show me "he wasn't like other guys". I hated to tell him that he was exactly like other guys. Oh, and he brought me a single white rose. And kissed me on the cheek. To make sure I knew he wasn't like other guys... Nicknamed him the "Kung-Fu Mentalist".

Dennis- We made plans to meet at a local pub to watch the Superbowl. All was well until he took his hat off. I immediately understood why he had a hat on in all his pictures. He had a HUGE head. Not only did he have a huge forehead, but he shaved his head as well, and all I could think of was Coneheads. Seriously. Massive. He was in "transportation". I tried to keep an open mind. But after the 7th beer, I was pretty much all set. Nicknamed him "Frankenhead". Huge mellon. He should grow hair and quick. And he brought me a candy cane, which in February, I thought was quite random. Was it in case I had bad breath?

Peter- Ah..Not too much to say about Peter. He reminded me of Spicoli in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Sweet guy, but not what I'm looking for.

Albert- We never spoke on the phone before we met. If we had, I never would have went. I knew he was from Montenegro so I assumed he would have an accent. Which he did. But it wasn't a "nice" accent. He showed up over 20 minutes late. And the picture on his profile must have been about 15 years old. And he hates animals. And he was shady. Every question I asked he said "I don't know".

What kind of ice cream do you like? I don't know
What kind of car do you drive? I don't know.
Where do you work? I don't know

I finally said, "Well, why don't you tell me what you DO know??" Turns out he does security at a hotel in Boston. The only reason I found this out is because he told me instead of going home, I should go to the hotel so he can check in on me every half hour. And when I said no, he asked if he could come home with me. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. He was creepy. I drove around Boston for almost an hour to make sure he wasn't following me.

I decided that after the next one I had set up, I was taking a break. I didn't do all the normal date prep. Shave my legs (even though he wouldn't know), make sure my hair and makeup was perfect, clothes classy. I went in jeans and said if he doesn't like me, the hell with it.

That was Paul. He actually wrote me an email. Asked questions about me. Gave me information about himself. Read my ENTIRE profile, and quoted from it. We met in a local chain restaurant. We had decided to meet for a drink to see if we hit it off, and then would decide on dinner. Two hours in, we moved to a table. 3 hours after that, we finally decided to call it a night. I actually had fun! He looked much better in person than in his pictures, which was a plus. He has a great and sarcastic sense of humor which, as you know, you need to have with me. And then...then he said the magic words that warm my cold, black heart. "I hate people". I wanted to propose right there!

So though I'm not expecting much, we'll see what happens. We have another date Saturday night.

Adventures in Dating

2010-01-31T16:02:00.000-05:00

Well, since I'm back out there again, be prepared for some pretty interesting stories.

First off, what does it mean when a man says he has a "heart of gold"? Seriously? What is that? Is it literally gold? Because gold prices are quite high right now, and I might just be tempted to rip it out of his chest Just saying.

Then there is the other type. The ones that tell you how wonderful you are, how they are looking for the one to settle down with. And then you meet. The whole time they are lavishing you with attention. Telling you you're beautiful and amazing. Then it happens. They invite you back to their place. You decline. Then they go in for the good night kiss and when they do, you give them the cheek. Then the next day you get the "I think we're more suited to be "friends". Oh lord... Listen pal, I have enough friends, I don't need another. Buh-bye!!

You know, I really enjoy being an independent woman in my 30's. I know what I want. I know what I won't settle for. And disrespect is one of those things. I may have been a bundle of hormones in my 20's, but these days, I prefer quality over quantity. Maybe "the one" is out there. Maybe he's not. But I'm not going to turn my back on my morals or values to find him. I changed who I was for a man once in my 20's. That's not going to happen again. Shocker. I LOVE the woman I am today. I am having so much more fun in my 30's than I ever did in my 20's. And it's quality time. The kind of fun that stays with you for the rest of your life. Not the kind of fun that you have for one night, and forget about two days later. I think I'd rather have that in my life.

The thing I love the most? When I am with a man, it's because I choose to have him in my life. Not because I have to. And that, my friends, is priceless.

I'm back!! Back in the Saddle again....

2010-01-29T12:51:00.000-05:00

I didn't realize it's been so long since I last posted. There has been so much going on! Good stuff first. It's been a music extravaganza as of late. Got free tickets to see Darius Rucker and Rascal Flatts. Darius stole the show. Incredible seats too. And I loved that he covered Prince's "Purple Rain". Then this week, my mom won tickets to an exclusive Michael Buble show. There were maybe 100 people there. It was amazing. Such a great show.

On to other things. C and I are no longer. It was a hard decision, but one that I had to make. He was a great guy, just not the one for me. He was great on paper, but as much as I wanted it to work, I knew that I didn't feel the same for him as he did for me. And probably never would. So...he hates me now. I tried to be nice about it, and didn't give him a laundry list of what it was that was wrong. But oh, did he keep pushing! I finally just told him that it wasn't going to work.

So I guess it's back to the drawing board. I don't know. Maybe I'm just not meant to have a relationship.

Yeah! It's the weekend! Can't wait to sleep in tomorrow.

Heat Update

2009-12-20T16:56:00.000-05:00

Still no heat. The landlord just called. They don't think they will be able to fix it until tomorrow. I think there will be no rent check this month.

Seriously. It's winter. It's fucking 20 degrees. There are two feet of snow outside and I HAVE NO HEAT! I feel like I'm going to cry.

FUCK!

Just had to vent, thanks.

Blizzard of 2009...and not in Minnesota.

2009-12-20T15:08:00.000-05:00

I think I'm actually in MN and no one told me!!! Thanks to winter storm Albert, we have around two feet of snow here in Boston. And it's still snowing. There are pro's and con's to my new apartment.

Pro's- I have wonderful neighbors. The neighbor across the street plowed the driveway, so there wasn't a lot of shoveling. And my other neighbors in front are the nicest people! We were chatting while we cleared off the two feet of snow off our cars.

Cons- I don't have a garage anymore. Bummer. Also, I woke up this morning to NO HEAT!!! Oh.My.God. It is freezing in here! I've been waiting for them to come fix the heat all day. Luckily the heat in my old place sucked, so I had a space heater. It is keeping my living room nice and toasty. But when I have to pee? Oh lord...freezing!!! I hope it gets fixed soon.

On to other news...since Faith yelled at me wanting an update on my "reserve relationship". The trip to MN was great, but not without a few bumps in the road.

After a little delay, I was finally able to get on the plane. As I was walking on the plane, the ENTIRE thing went dark!!! And the pilot announced "Sorry ladies and gentlemen. Just a little stall in the engine. We'll have it up and running in a moment". I.FREAKED.OUT!!! It took everything I had to continue on to my seat. But I made it safely to MN. With the help of xanax and a few jack and cokes!

It was so nice to see where C lives. It wasn't as cold as I thought it would be. His condo is beautiful, even though it's a little sparse. Walking in I joked that I felt like I was in a high end hotel High ceilings, a beautiful kitchen that I can't wait to cook in, two bathrooms and a beautiful view. I told him that my place is like the ghetto compared to his! But he is a typical guy. Not much going on in there but a lot of beige. I told him to give me a credit card and drop me off at the Mall of America and I could changed all that for him!

He really is the sweetest thing. He knows that I hate the cold, so he had a few presents waiting for me. A heated blanket and the softest bathrobe! He's so thoughtful! And since he doesn't have a coffee maker, he went out every morning to get me coffee. I was so spoiled!

On Saturday we went to meet his parents for dinner. I was a nervous wreck! When we were almost there, I made him pull over so I can have a cigarette. I was so nervous I thought I was going to throw up! It turns out I was worried for nothing! His parents are wonderful! They were so welcoming and sweet. We went to dinner at this really cool restaurant called Mongo's Grill. I've never been anywhere like it. When you get there, they have a bunch of stations set up that are like salad bars. One has all sorts of veggies, another has seafood, another has meats and the last one has noodles and all kinds of sauces that you put on top. After you fill your bowl (and a lot of people had little towers of food in theirs) you bring it to this giant round grill in the middle and they cook it all for you. It was so good, but a bit overwhelming trying to decide what to put in, and what sauces to use. I'm sure if you go there enough, you get the hang of it. I can't wait to go back again!

His parents are very sweet! And it helped that we had things in common. His mother is a book worm like I am, so we talked about our favorite authors and we both read the same things. And his father loves music like I do and I've finally met someone who owns more cd's that I do!! I was shocked. He has everything! I cracked up looking through his cd's because he had Lindsay Lohan!!! I was making fun of him because of it. He said, "but look how pretty and blonde she is!" To which I replied "it doesn't mean she can sing!" I made a game of trying to find something he didn't have. Tupac...check! Shaun Cassidy...check! Lou Rawls...check! And it went on and on! Amazing! I met a few other family members that stopped by the house. One of them had the cutest 9 year old son, Mason. I'm in love. He was a little chatter box that can talk hockey like no ones business! I told C that I would stay with him until Mason turns 18, and then I'm going to marry Mason. Adorable!!!

Sunday morning we went for breakfast and he bought me this cheesy little dog puppet that barks Christmas Songs because I fell in love with it. I know, cheesy, but that's me! Afternoon came way too quick and it was time for me to get on the plane to come home. I hated to leave. I felt like I belonged there. Or maybe it's just I feel like I belong with him. I'm not used to being with a man that thinks about me first and my needs. It makes me feel like I'm not doing enough for him. I guess it's that I'm not used to dating a man that is good, and kind. I'm trying to get used to it, but it's taking a bit.

The plane ride home was interesting. I up graded to first class, and thank god for that. We were delayed for an hour and then they had to de-ice the plane twice. It took a few more jack and cokes to get me home, but I finally made it!

Oh! The other bad part! I got a call from my best friend who was dog sitting for me. She was a wreck because something was wrong with Minnie. She wouldn't eat, didn't want to cuddle, just wanted to be left alone. We finally figured out what was wrong with her on Sunday. She somehow got a hold of some sort of fruit pit! She passed it on Sunday, but I was freaked because the pits contain cyanide. (keep that in mind next time you eat a peach or plum!) So it was off to the vet as soon as I got home. She's fine, but next time I go, she's coming with me!

C will be here from Christmas Day through New Year's, and I'm looking forward to it. We decided that we need to move someplace warm. Arizona sounds pretty good!!!

Reserve Relationship....

2009-12-11T12:53:00.001-05:00

I haven't mentioned much about my growing relationship with C because I didn't want to jinx it. Things are going very well. There is a little problem with the distance. I live in Boston. He lives in Minnesota. Sometimes I feel like our relationship is in the Reserves. One weekend a month, two weeks a year. But somehow, we're making it work. He's flown out here to see me twice now, and we had a wonderful time. But now it's my turn.

I'm flying out to see him for the weekend.

There are a few issues here.

1- I do not fly well. At all. I will get through this with xanax. And a few beers. So god knows what state I'll be in when I get there.
2- Minnesota. Minnesota. In December. Where it's freaking FREEZING!!!

What was I thinking? He really needs to move somewhere warm!

Oh...and did I mention I'm meeting his parents for the first time?

Wish me luck!

A few Sunday oberservations.

2009-12-06T17:09:00.000-05:00

1. What the hell is wrong with the Patriots? Why do they keep going for it on the 4th down? It's simple. You kick a field goal, and it makes it 24-13 and let Miami make two touchdowns! Stop being greedy and kick the damn field goal!!!
This is two weeks in a row that they blew the game in the second half. Thank god we only have to deal with this crap once every 10 years or so. I blame it all on Brushci retiring!

2. I don't have kids. For a few reasons. I haven't met the guy I want to have kids with (though things are going really well with C!) and I don't know if I have the patience. But even I know that if it's raining out? Umm...maybe you should put your baby in the car before you unload your grocery shopping instead of making her sit in the pouring rain. I'm not sure the dumb ass woman appreciated me pointing that out to her, but I think if her kid was old enough to understand, then she would appreciate it.

3. I need to get drunk. I'm a really fun drunk. and I have so much fun! Well, maybe not the next day when I'm fighting off the hangover. C has yet to witness me in a drunken state. Poor baby. He's in for a surprise.

4. Snowed here last night. And despite saying all week, I don't have a garage anymore, so I really need to buy a snowbrush...yeah. Forgot to buy the snow brush. Used my closed umbrella to clear off the car this morning. I hope the neighbors weren't watching.

If I had 12 kids.....

2009-11-30T21:38:00.001-05:00

So I've been dealing with yet another cold. This is the third time since September. Or maybe it's just been the same cold that just won't go away. Either way, this one is presenting itself to be a royal pain in the ass. On Thanksgiving night, I had a temp of 103. Now, this is not normal for me. So I did the adult thing on Friday morning and called the doctor. The doctor on call prescribed me yet another antibiotic since the one I was taking didn't seem to be working. So I went to pick it up. To the tune of $147.00. Seriously?

So this is what I don't understand. What if I didn't have the $147? Then what would I do? Wait until my fever hit 104 and head off to the emergency room? Since I didn't have much choice in the matter, and was miserable, I handed over the debit card and pretty much screwed myself until payday.

Now I've been fuming over this for a few days now. And being stuck in the house isn't helping the matter at all. And of course I've been reading all these articles on health care. And that got me even more pissed off. Here's why.

I'm going through a little tough time financially and have been living paycheck to paycheck. I work 40+ hours a week, get a decent salary. A portion of which goes to pay my health insurance.

And I have an acquaintance that does not work. What she does instead? Stays home and lives off of the state because she's popped out 3 kids by 3 different fathers. And her sister? 5 kids. 5 fathers. No job. But you know what? They both have kick ass health insurance. Paid for by me. Do you think she has to pay $147 for meds? Nope. $3.00.

I totally understand welfare for people who honestly need it. Hell, when I was little, my parents got divorced and my mother couldn't afford to work and put me in daycare, so for a few months while things were organized, she had to go on welfare. But as soon as things were worked out, she got herself a job. Temporary aid. That's the way the system was designed to work.

But these pieces of shit? They do this FOR A LIVING!!! Hell, one stated, "why should I go to work, when the state pays for everything?" They get housing allowance, free health insurance, a clothing allowance, a food allowance, WIC checks for food etc. And this is for every member of the household under 19 years of age. How do they get around the requirements? HAHAHA!!!! They just keep popping out kids.

Un-freaking-real.

Yet I'm the one that has to worry about which bill I have to put off another week. That's what I get for being an upstanding member of society!

Thanksgiving. FAIL!

2009-11-26T19:54:00.001-05:00

Ah! Thanksgiving Day!

On the couch- Check!

Football on- Check!

Sweats on- Check!

Full belly and leftovers- Fail....

Now, don't get me wrong. I have a lot to be thankful for. I woke up this morning. My family is all healthy. I have a good job and a roof over my head. And I thank God for all of it. But this was NOT a Thanksgiving Dinner that "can't be beat". I never thought I'd be so happy to have the day over with and be in the relative quiet of my own home.

I'm grateful that I was able to spend the day surrounded by my family. But I now know why we don't eat out. We went to a place that we've been to before that has an amazing Sunday brunch. This did not translate to Thanksgiving dinner.

A few things on the menu. Butternut squash and crab bisque. Of course we all were ordering either the crab bisque or the butternut squash soup. We couldn't understand why the waitress was confused at our orders. Then we realized it was because the soup was Butternut Squash WITH crab in it. Ugh. Um...Crab in squash soup? FAIL. But it did have a pretty little design on the top of the soup.

The main course was turkey. Of course. With a "potato puree". I was starting to get nervous. I started to think that instead of picking up my Nonni from the nursing home, we were actually eating dinner there instead! My fears were confirmed when they brought out a bowl that looked like white mush. And tasted the same. And as soon as you put it on your plate, it turned into the consistency of paste. But the "chef" was going to carve our turkey right at the table! That's something to look forward to. They roll out the table with the turkey on it. And then take it away again. Huh? Apparently, the turkey had been sitting out for awhile, and it was now cold. So they were going to bring us a new one. For $38.00 per person.

Did I mention that there were 14 of us for dinner? And out of those 14, there were 6 kids? The oldest being 12? And our reservations were at 2:00? And the main course was served at 4? And the entire time there were kids running everywhere?

I don't know about you, but when I was that age, if my ass even moved an inch from the seat without permission, I was in deep shit. Apparently, my family members did not raise their children the same way.** There were children under the table. Running around the table. Going to other tables. Screaming. Yelling. Making a freaking mess. At one point, I looked at the child sitting next to me at the table, and that child was eating salad with their hands. This child is 6. This same child a few minutes later was standing next to me (standing, not sitting) with their mouth full of turkey. I asked the child "are you allowed to walk around at home with your mouth full of food?" The child answered "No." I told the child "If you can't do it at home, what makes you think you can do it here? Sit down."

Maybe this is why I am not meant to be a parent. I just don't understand it. If that was my child, you can guarantee that my kids ass would be firmly in their chair. Even if I had to duct tape it there. What happened to the days when all a mother or father had to do was to look at their child and whatever bad behavior ceased immediately?

It's Thanksgiving. I love my family. I am thankful for my family. But this Thanksgiving? I am thankful to be sitting in my quiet apartment with my dog.

Hope you all had a good day!

**Note- In case my family stumbles across this, I am not naming the "child" or the sex of said "child".

"Yes, sir, Officer Obie, I cannot tell a lie, I put that envelope under that garbage."

2009-11-25T11:50:00.011-05:00

Well, it's a day early, but I intend to be comatose from turkey tomorrow, so Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Well...that is if this damn cold decides to give me a break and allow me to spend the day with my family. If not, it will be the first Thanksgiving that I've ever spent alone. Hmm...this could be a good thing.

The holidays have changed for our family in the past 6 years since my Dad passed away. It was so hard to get into the spirit for the first few years, and now we just wish we could skip it. Mom and I have decided that once my grandmother is no longer with us, we're going away for the holidays from now on. Vegas sounds good. Or an island somewhere. I'm sure this is not exclusive to my family.

Is it me, or does it seem to get worse every year? Last year we did dinner at my sister's house. There were 19 of us. It was a nightmare. Don't get me wrong, I love my sister. But having any kind of dinner at her house is NOT a good idea.

First off, she isn't that wonderful in the cooking department. And her house reflects this. My mother and I ended up doing all of the cooking. Of course, her oven didn't work, so we had to use my brother's upstairs. And of course she doesn't have any serving dishes, or utensils or, well, really anything for that matter. It was um...interesting.

So this year, my mom decided that we're all going out for dinner. This is a first for us. Out. For Thanksgiving Dinner. I mean, we're Italian. We're kind of fussy, you know? I don't know if you've ever had Thanksgiving dinner with an Italian family, but it's something you should experience. It's not just dinner. It's an event.

The "event" usually starts with all kinds of munchies. Then Mom's homemade Turkey soup, followed by a huge antipasto. Then a fruit and cheese platter. (you have to clear your palate, you know) Then there is usually a lasagna, or baked ziti or the like. And then...and only then...is the turkey and all the trimmings. And I mean ALL. If we're eating at my aunt's, then there is about 20 lbs of mashed potatoes. (She never thinks she makes enough). Squash, turnup, sweet potatoes, green beans, corn, carrots...and the list goes on....And we haven't even started on dessert yet. And of course, football.

What is going to happen at a restaurant? Granted, we have a private room, but is there going to be a TV? What are we going to do with all the kids before we eat? I mean, there are more traditions that I'm going to miss. I know everyone complains about cooking and clean up, but that is the time in our family that I love the most. The guys are all in the living room with the kids and the women are all in the kitchen talking trash about the men and working our way through a few bottles of wine. That's priceless.

And last of all, the tradition that my dad introduced me to years ago. The noon time sing along of "Alice's Restaurant". Is this just a New England thing? Does anyone else know about this classic? Or is it going away with the rest of the traditions?

Well, I know that at noon tomorrow, I will be sitting somewhere, singing along with Arlo Guthrie and wondering where the hell I'm going to get leftovers from.

"You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant..."

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thank you!!!

2009-11-11T10:19:00.004-05:00

First off, thank you to all that serve our country so I have freedom. Your selflessness is amazing and I salute you.

C is in town for the week! Yay!! We both think that I should have today off of work since we're dating and he is in the Air Force. Somehow I don't think my boss will agree.

Have I ever mentioned how badly Boston traffic sucks??? It sucks a lot. Everyone is in a rush to get NO WHERE! And to all the idiots that think beeping your horn in traffic in a tunnel will get you anywhere? Um....you deserve a smack. Of course, me getting on the highway in the wrong direction didn't help matters any. I just don't get it. I did the same thing when I lived outside of Providence. I could never figure out if I had to go north or south. So C got a little tour of Boston while I figured out how to get us home. It took roughly and hour and a half to make a 30 minute drive.

So happy he is here. Did I mention that? Except for one thing. I have to work. Let me tell you, getting up to go to work sucks when he's home in bed snuggled in with the dog and cats. Ugh!!!

Home...I like the sound of that. I'm pretty settled in the new place. But let me tell you, having him there completes the apartment.

Do you think the Air Force will be pissy if I just keep him there? I'll have to think about that. I'm pretty sure they would frown upon it. Treason or something like that!

Will power!!!!

2009-11-06T22:34:00.004-05:00

Shoes....purses.....droooool......

My BFF sent me the following text message yesterday.

"You...Me...Tomorrow....Coach Outlet. I have coupons".

That bitch! There are two things that are my weakness. Purses and shoes.

I used to ride a Harley and be "one of the guys". A few years back, I was in an accident and I swear to god, it did something to my brain and turned me into a girly girl. I traded in riding boots for Jimmy Choo's. Saddlebags for Coach and Kate Spade.

So the mention of Coach Outlet...and coupons? I'm there.

So here is where the issue comes to play. I have a lot of things that need to be done in the new place to make it mine. Paint on the walls....new floors (the current ones look dirty no matter how many times I wash them), new curtains etc. Plus normal monthly bills.

I walk into the store determined not to buy anything. And then I smell it. Purses....leather...heaven. I think I walked around for almost 30 minutes with two bags in one hand and the coupon and credit card burning a hole in my hand in the other. I mean, we're talking 50% off on both bags already. Plus an additional 20%! And then BFF asked me the question.

"So, what color are you painting the living room?"

*sigh* ::shoulder droop::

Take the bags...Just take them. Put them back. I can't do it. And we left.

Then we walk by White House/Black Market. And there is the most amazing pair of shoes in the window. Hmm....it won't hurt to look.... $150.00 shoes. For $29.95. OMG! And they are comfortable. And they even look amazing even though I am in desperate need of a pedi. Come on! Shoes that still look good on un-pedicured toes??? For $29.95?!!! I must have them!!!

As I march up to the counter with my find, my now former BFF asks, "So where to you want to go look for curtains?"

*sigh*

Fine! Take them! Take the shoes! Make them go away!!! Do it fast!!!

To salvage my night, I did find cute curtains in a pretty blue for the living room for $9.95 a pair!

Oh and my BFF? I guess I'll keep her anyway. She told me I had to.

(I think I'm going back tomorrow for the shoes anyway....)

Bad dog! No cookie!

2009-10-30T12:50:00.004-04:00

I'm slowly settling into the new place after the disaster of moving. I actually was excited to find my belt so I didn't have to walk around all day hiking up my jeans like an idiot. Still haven't located the box that contains my contact lenses though. I hate wearing my glasses in the rain.

The cats have become accustomed to the place for the most part. Salem hid for the first day and Max just walked around like a king. I was worried about how they would be. The one that I didn't worry about was THE DIVA. My Chihuahua. She usually fits right in anywhere as long as she's with me.

Apparently not this time. We've been having small issues with peeing in the house. Minnie has been puppy pad trained since I adopted her, and has never had a problem before. In the new apt, she has to walk through the kitchen to get to "her" bathroom. Diva has decided that she cannot walk on linoleum floors and does her Bambi on the ice impression.

It's quite pathetic and she has no problem running across the floor to get a cookie. Last night I constructed a path of towels from the living room right up to her "spot". She went and all was happy. Same thing this morning. Until....

I walked into the living room before I left for work and she looked right at me, squatted and pee'd on the rug! ARE YOU KIDDING ME! Well, Little Miss Spiteful is now in solitary confinement in the bathroom until I get home. I'll admit, I'm a little nervous to see what's going to await me.

Proceeding with Caution

2009-10-27T10:22:00.003-04:00

So it's no secret that my dating life is usually less than wonderful. It's taken a strange twist over the past few months and I think I'm into something good. But of course, there are speedbumps in the road.

Step back in time a few months with me. I'm addicted to Facebook. And all the stupid little games that keep me from getting bored at night. So on one of those games when you can interact with others, I found myself talking a lot with C.

It started with football talk. Then emails, text messages, phone conversations and a nightly online date to chat. So we decided it was time to see if the connection we both felt transcended electronics into the real world. Of course there was a little matter of 1300 miles between us.

So we decided he would make the first trip. Let me tell you, I was a nervous wreck when I picked him up at the airport. But surprisingly it was only strange for about 15 minutes and then it was like we had known each other forever. I really had the best weekend!

We have so many things in common. I can relax and be the total dork that I am and he laughs along with me. He indulged my sense of the ridiculous when I wanted to watch the Yo-Yo Guy in front of Quincy Market.

And the topper was that he loves my dog! There are not many men who are secure petting a 4 lb Chihuahua. I had to check his bag when he left to make sure he didn't dognap her!

The bottom line? I finally find a guy that I can be myself with and he's 1300 miles away. Going to be interesting to see how this is going to work.

Moving Day- The day you find out who your friends are!

2009-10-26T11:18:00.003-04:00

I've decided there is nothing worse than moving day. That's the time you really find out who your friends are.

I decided about a month ago to start looking for a new place for a few reasons. First, my commute was killing me. Second, there were more problems with the apartment I was residing in. I got tired of hearing "We'll send someone right over". Yeah, that never happened. The last straw was when I woke to find my bathroom flooded from the upstairs apartment for the 4th time. The landlord told me that the upstairs neighbors must have dripped water on the floor from the tub. Seriously? There was 3 inches of water in my tub. How much water did they "drip"?

So I started looking. I found this cute little place that was about 20 minutes from work, instead of the hour plus that I currently drive. And there were so many bonuses! Heat and hot water included. A fenced in back yard for the dog. A walk in closet for me! Yay!!

So while preparing for the move, I happened to watch a show on A&E about hoarders. And I was horrified.... (I know, bad pun!)

Ok, granted, I'm not that bad, but I am a bit of a pack rat. And the way I figure is those people had to start somewhere. So I began the mission of throwing things away. Apparently I didn't throw enough out. I don't know where I had half the crap that I moved to the new place, but it became very clear that it wasn't going to fit in the new apartment.

Along with my couch. Which is not paid off yet. And is now sitting soaking wet (did I mention it rained during the move?)on the curb. There was no way that sucker was getting in the apt. We tried everything! At one point while trying to fit it through the door with my father, he said "it's not going in there". At this point I was pretty bitchy about the entire thing and the following exchanged happened:

Me: Fine! Just move it back out!
Dad: I'm telling you that it's not getting in there.
Me: Fine! Take it out!
Dad: Nora, the couch is not getting in.
Me: How many different ways do I have to say FINE TAKE IT OUT!
Dad: You don't talk to me that way! I'll smack you in the mouth!

I felt 12 yrs old. After I apologized to him, I said, "Daddy, can you still smack me in the mouth when I'm 36?" We both laughed at that and decided that I'm stubborn like him, so it's his fault anyway.

Oh yes, back to moving day. You realize who your friends are when you move. Apparently I have two. I was told by all these people, "I'll be there! No problem! I have a truck!" blah blah blah...

Thank god I had the foresight to hire movers for a few hours. Other than my best friends that lived next door to the old place, no one showed. Or called. WTF? Seriously? So other than the moving crew that I only had for 2 hours, my moving team consisted of my 63 yr old father, my 68 yr old step-mother that has vertigo and COPD, my 60 yr old mother, who not only has one lung, but was also sick, my brother and my two best friends. It made for a long ass day. Did I mention it was raining?

Now the fun part. Unpacking. God bless my parents. The two moms set up my entire kitchen. Dad put the bed together. So that was one less thing to worry about. But this morning, I realized that my makeup is still packed. I couldn't find my contacts. Couldn't find a belt. Or the other shoe to the pair I wanted to wear today.

I'm never moving again.

Why even ask???

2009-09-14T20:22:00.003-04:00

About three weeks ago, I finally got my vacation! Mom and I went on a last minute cruise to Mexico for 10 glorious days! We sailed out of L.A. which meant I had to get from Boston to California. I hate flying, so when we got to the airport, I decided that a few drinks to relax were in order. We're sitting in the bar gearing up for the flight with a few Jack & Cokes and talking about our trip when the bartender starts coming on really strong. I figured, what the hell, he's cute, I'm on vacation, I'll flirt a bit.

He made a few comments here and there about wanting to take me out. He didn't seem like the smartest guy, but he was cute, so we exchanged numbers. Pretty good for the ego right before I have to put on a bathing suit.

I'll post more about the trip later.

So, he sent me a few text messages over the next couple of days. Mom made the comment that he seemed "needy".

I got a text message from him Friday night saying hello and that I "owed" him cuddle time. Um...huh? I don't even know you yet buddy. So I suggested we meet for a drink first.

Hello...slow the Steel Magnolia moment down.

We made plans to meet at a local cafe Monday night at 6. At 5, the following text dialog happened. (The names or spelling have NOT been changed to protect the stupid)

Mark-"Nora, im going to be honest with u i dont think we would be a match not going to cafe take care."
Me-" Ok. No worries"
Mark-"U r not upset?"
Me-"Not at all. I agree. We both know that I am way to good for you anyway. Take care!"

Number deleted....

Is it shallow of me to want to date someone who can spell out the big words and use correct punctuation? Narrowly averted disaster on that one.

The burning question...if you don't think we're a match, then why the hell ask me out in the first place?

Mark at Cisco Brew Pub in Logan airport? Here's your sign

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned"

2009-07-14T20:41:00.004-04:00

Finally!!! The months of lying to my mother are OVER!!! I'm going to be saying Hail Mary's and Our Father's until my knees are bleeding!!! I haven't been able to post about what been keeping me busy for the last few months in case Mom's decided to stop on by. I've been planning her 60th birthday party for the last three months and it was this past weekend, so now I can finally talk about it. So much work, but so worth it. My mom is the best!

My sister and I decided to plan a party. My sister has four kids and is a single mom. So that means I planned the party. Of course, Lil' Sis is loaded, so the deal was that I do all the planning and get the supplies and she would pay the catering bill. Ok...is it bad that I said fine??

But man, I was a basket case. I'm horrible at lying to begin with. And it's even worse when I try to lie to my mother. The woman just knows and manages to get it out of me. I have no idea how I managed to keep it from her.

On top of it, we decided to do family pictures that she's been begging for for years. Of course, guess who arranged that one? You got it. Me. It wasn't too bad and my friend Terri is an INCREDIBLE photographer!

We decided to do a beach theme since my mom loves the beach. There is a little place at the shore that my mom and I go to every year after a day at the beach for steamers and lobsters, so we decided to have the party there. It was the perfect location. I had special invites made up that were a message in a bottle. Then I saw a picture of the perfect cake. But they wanted $500.00 to make it. Well, I decided to make it myself. Yeah...don't know if I'll be doing that one again!!! It took me three days to make the cake. Everything on it is edible. But it came out awesome and my Mom and the family were wicked impressed.

There is no way she looks 60!!

She was so surprised by the entire thing. We spent the night at a hotel at the shore and then the next day at the beach. It was a total blast. I'll post more pics when I get a chance. Now I'm off to plan a road trip for Mom and I from LA to San Francisco.

Are.You.Serious.

2009-06-27T23:33:00.007-04:00

What is wrong with men? Seriously. The ex that I mentioned in the previous post just did not take the hint. Not that it was bad enough that he told me that he would cheat on his wife with me, he took it one step farther and sent me a text message. Of his penis. With the following caption:

"FW: Do you have someplace to put this? Love you baby".

Did you notice the first part of the caption? The part that says "FW:"?

That's right. He forwarded on the text that he had SENT TO HIS WIFE!!!

ARE.YOU.SERIOUS?

So I sent him a message thanking him for sending me a text that he had sent to his wife. Asked him to send me a wedding picture as well, because that would just really make my day.

Seriously. Who does that? Did he really think it would change my mind? Hmmm. Let's see. We lived together for 7 years. You didn't marry me. You married her after less than two years, but yet you want me to allow you to stick your dick in me? While your married. Yeah, I don't think so pal.

I will admit that I contemplated posting the picture, but even I'm not that cruel. Well, maybe I'm not. I'm still thinking about it.

If this is what is out there, then you know what? I'm all set. I'm quite happy being single.

Long time...

2009-06-22T20:49:00.003-04:00

God, I didn't realize how long it's really been since I posted! It's amazing to me that my life has been extremely busy, yet, I haven't had anything to say. So I'll try to condense what I can remember, and hope that Faith will forgive me for being away so long.

First off...Max is still fighting, thank god. It's probably not going to be much longer, so I've been hanging with him and letting him sleep on my lap a lot. Which means I haven't been able to type. He's giving me a break for a few minutes. It's been very strange thinking of life with out him around.

Then my ex Scott came into the picture. We've been apart for about three years now. Max and I allowed him to live with us for almost 7 years. He knows that Max's days are numbered and since he'll be here visiting his family (he lives in S.C. and has been married for about two years now). Would I mind if he came to see Max. Ok...fine. I'm ok with that. There are no hard feelings, and he was with Max and I for a long time. And me, in my oblivious little world that thinks the best of everyone, didn't realize that allowing him to see Max opened up the flood gates of :

"Do you remember that night.." (yeah, I remember that night. And it's OVER!)
"How about that time we went camping..." (I DESPISE camping, And always have.)
"Do you remember the night we met?" (yeah....you were rude!)

And the kicker.....

"You're the only one I would cheat on my wife with" (I don't think so...)

I mean seriously. Are you kidding me? Once you said "I do", for me that became "I won't". EVER!

I did let him visit, but made it clear that it was ONLY to visit the cat. I mean seriously. Did he not realize what it's like to know that I was with him for 7 years, and he never married me, and then marry a woman (that ironically, I gave him dating tips for) that he knew for less than 2 years? Yeah, I don't think so.

It's been a strange time for me when it comes to men. I've been dating on and off. I met one guy and our first date was taking our dogs to the dog park. It was nice. I thought there was potential there. He was willing to not rush me. Now, he's just boring me. Please...for the love of god, please don't text message me unless you actually have something to say!!!

"How was your day? I'm going out for a bit, talk to you later" does not constitute as a reason to text message me!! And if you want to make plans with me...just ASK! I hate the beating around the bush crap of :

Him- "What are you doing this weekend"
Me- "I have a few errands to run, and going out with friends Friday night"
Him- "Oh. I have no plans all weekend. Guess I'll just hang out at home alone with my dog all weekend".
Me: "Oh....That's nice."

And I know that he's waiting for me to ask him to do something over the weekend. Sorry...If you want to date me, you need to put in a little more effort than that. Why can't people just be straight forward?

Then two strange things happened to me this weekend. I went out with a good friend of mine Friday night that I have known for YEARS! We always have a blast together, and there are no romantic interest on his part or mine. But, 10 martini's later...we're kissing in the parking lot. How the hell did that happen? Even though it was very,very nice, I don't think it's something I want to revisit. I adore him, but there are things about him that I can't stand. Being shallow for one.

Flash forward to Saturday night.

Another friend of mine, Jay, stores his motorcycle in my garage during the summer. So when he dropped off the bike for the night, he came up to visit. Gave him the customary hug and kiss and he's got to go and try to make it A KISS.

I mean, seriously. WTF is going on? Is it because I really don't want to be bothered right now? Maybe it's because the one guy that I wish would want me, doesn't?

Which is another thing all together. I adore this guy, that will remain nameless at this time. We had a great friendship, a great physical relationship, but he doesn't want to be involved with me romantically. So I have to settle for the friend route. I don't have a choice in the matter. I guess I'd rather have his friendship, than nothing at all. But damn, when I sit there and listen to him talk about these girls that he's dating that break his heart and don't appreciate him I just want to say "HEY!! You have someone sitting right in front of you that would give you the world on a silver platter! Wake the hell up!!!"

But as my wise Dad told me..." No one ever said life was fair".

And that folks, is my rant for the night.

Yeah, That's right, it's my fault.

2009-04-29T21:04:00.003-04:00

I'm not sure how I went from the best weekend to a nasty week.

First off, it was my birthday on Sunday and we got the whole family together which was awesome. And the weather was beautiful. It's never nice on my birthday. It's been 90 degrees here the past four days. Now, I live in New England, so that is pretty much unheard of in April. I loved it!! But much like the New England weather, wait 5 minutes, and that will change.

Oh boy, did it ever. My sweet boy Max had to go to the vet on Tuesday. He's 17, and hasn't been feeling up to snuff. $291.10, and two hours later, the results are in. Max is in the beginning stages of kidney failure. I'm devastated. We're going to try and keep him comfortable, but it doesn't look to good in the long run. Could be as much as a year, could be a few months. We'll have to see. It's tough because Max is my boy. I've had him for 17 years. I got him two weeks after I moved out of my parents house and he's been the longest relationship I've had! He's been through more states, apartments and my dates, and yet he still loves me unconditionally. And he's so sweet. I mean, how could you not love this face?

You're going to stick that WHERE???

Then there is today. I don't understand why some people can't take responsibility for their own actions, yet blame others for their lack of success.

Most days I really like my job. I enjoy the clients I work with and look forward to the new challenges that each day brings. And not to sound snooty, but I'm damn good at my job. Even if I didn't like it, I make sure I give 100% to my clients. I set pretty high standards for myself. The problem is that I expect others to hold themselves to those same standards, and rarely do they meet expectations. There is a man that I've worked with for the past year. We'll call him Steve. Steve and I were hired the same day and began our training for our job at the same time. He had an advantage as he had more experience than I did, and was hired at a higher level than me. On our first meeting, we had to share a rental car. He didn't offer to let me drive, told me I would have to ask him for it if I needed it, and I better not smoke in the car. The next day I got my own rental. Over the next week of training, I got to know my other co-workers in the home office and started to develop relationships with them. Steve treated them all with disdain. As if they were not as intelligent because they are from the South, and we are from the North. When I left to come back, I walked around and said goodbye to people I'd be working with and expressed that I was looking forward to working with them. Steve just left without a word.

Over the past few months, Steve has been a huge slacker at his job. Letting client requests slide for weeks, and in some cases over a month. Management put him on notice and told him he had to step up. Well, instead of doing anything about it, he made snarky little comments to me for the past month that it was my fault he got a notice. Well, the shit hit the fan today. Our boss flew up and gave him his walking papers. He said goodbye to everyone in the office, and those who weren't an email. Except me. He didn't say a word. Just walked out the door. It wasn't my fault that he didn't do his job and I did. I didn't make him look bad, he did that himself. Plus, I found out that he was given a verbal warning and three written warnings and still didn't change his actions! But yet blames me!!! He had over three months to correct the issues.

I just don't understand how somewhere in his narrow little web-surfing republican mind that this was my fault. And what do I get for my performance? I have to take on all of his clients, plus mine for the same pay as I've always made. Oh well. I like a challenge. And I like my job. I made a commitment to this company and I intend to live up to it. It's not my fault if others don't do the same.

Dating

2009-04-24T12:03:00.003-04:00

Have I mentioned lately how much I despise dating? Um, yeah. I don't know if it's because I'm getting older and have less tolerance for it? Or dating via text? Is it so difficult to pick up the phone and make a quick call? You don't have to have a two hour conversation, but if you're going to try to make plans for a first date, I think it's kind of tacky to do it via text.

I met a guy a few weeks ago when I was out with my girlfriends. Honestly, I was skeptical at first because the guy was young. 11 years younger. But hey, I was flattered at the same time. So I gave it a shot. We talked for a bit, and he seemed like an ok guy. And at the very least, I'd get dinner out of it.

Then the text messages started the next day. Can you have dinner tonight? This, of course after I'd already told him I would be away for the rest of the weekend. So he switched it to one night during the week. Ok, great. Then he cancelled. Then makes plans for the following Saturday. And never called to make arrangements where to meet. I sent a message. No response. Until midnight on Sunday. I mean, seriously. Then he had the nerve to ask to "Make it up to me". Are you serious? Three strikes and you're out, pal. So I politely told him to lose my number and let me know when he grows up and becomes a real man.

The best part was when he called me two nights later at 1 am asking if "Greg is there". Ok, your number came up on my phone, dumb ass. Did you think I would not realize who it was? Note to self- always listen to your gut. I knew I was skeptical for a reason.

Not sure why I'm getting asked out by guys that are 10 years or so younger. I mean, I'm lucky, I don't think I look almost 36. But do they think that I'm hard up or something? This whole "cougar" movement is really screwing with my love life. How can I have a relationship with someone who wasn't even born until the 80's?? Unless you lived through the torture of 80's music and the horrible clothes of the 70's, we really have nothing to talk about!

Then I heard from an old friend who is just getting back into the dating scene after a divorce. We agreed to meet for dinner. Very attractive man. We have similar interests and we're both single. I was looking forward to it. So we made plans for dinner on Saturday at 7.

He showed up at 8.

Ok, he did have a valid reason for being late. But still. Is a phone call or even a text too much to ask for? "Hey, I'm running late, I'll call when I'm almost there." I don't think that's too much to ask for really. Is it that I just have certain standards that I expect people to meet? Is it unreasonable to expect common courtesy?

My grandfather asked me once why I had never married. I told him, "Papa, I'm waiting to meet a man just like you!" Well, I'm still waiting. And starting to think that my grandfather was one of a kind.

Life Makeover

2009-03-19T19:58:00.003-04:00

I've decided that I need a total life makeover. Part of this could be because of the upcoming birthday that is rapidly approaching like a freight train bearing down on Nell Fenwick tied to the tracks.

Yeah, Where is the damn Canadian Mountie when I need him?

I've been taking stock and have found much coming up lacking. Granted, I'm better off than most people. I have a job. I have a new car that's paid for. I have a wonderful family, and great friends.

But I have no life. Seriously. How does one get a life? I started the gym this week, in preparation of actually having a life. The goal is to lose 40 lbs. Got my first reality check there. Holy shit, am I out of shape. I had a session with the trainer at the gym that totally kicked my ass and made me totally disgusted with myself. I thought it was strange that all of the exercises they showed me didn't involve any of the equipment. I mean, I could do all this stuff at home.

So, I know what I have to do. Then...it happens. They try to sell me the "training package". Ok. It's part of the job. They present all the benefits of working with a trainer, and I am totally psyched for this! Great! Someone that will kick my ass into shape. Then they give me the prices. I have to sign a contract for either 3, 6 or 12 months. Enrollment fee $149. Plus $60 a session for a 1/2 hour! On top of the $40 a month that I pay just to go to the gym!

I double checked the price list, and I totally didn't see anything about dinner and foreplay included in the ass fucking they are offering. I mean, they could at least throw in complementary lube.

Then my friend tried to get me to join one of those on-line meet people sites. And they asked what my hobbies are. Um...yeah. What the hell do I do? Let's see. I read. A lot. Not really a group activity. I walk the dog. At least until she gets tired after 4 blocks. Then I carry her. Then it dawned on me. I really have no life.

So I made the big mistake of talking to my Mom. Though I have admitted that Mom is awesome, but sometimes she gets totally in Mom "lecture" mode, and all it does it get me pissed off. Spouting off all the pearls of wisdom that Mom's do.

"The only one who can change your life is you!"
"You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else".
"You need to get out more with your friends"

And it went on and on and on for about 20 minutes. Yes, this is all great advice. But where the hell do you start?? What happened to the idealistic girl in her 20's that was ready to conquer everything and enjoy life to the fullest? What happened to the passion for life that I used to have? The only thing I can think of is that she turned 30. And started worrying more about making everyone else happy. I lost sight of what I wanted from life. How do you get that back?

So if you have any suggestions on where the hell to start, please pass it on. I need all the help I can get.

A few quick hits....

2009-03-10T18:44:00.002-04:00

I've been slacking a bit, I know! (Sorry Faith). So here are a few quick hits and updates.

1. The family is all finally home! I can finally relax and plan my own vacation. And I can tell you, I won't be calling any of them!

2. I still say it was not a date. But...my friend could teach some of the guys I've been out with a few lessons on how to treat a woman on a date. Not only did he insist on paying for dinner, he kept up his end of the conversation and did not spend the entire time staring at my breasts.

On to new business.

When the ex and I split, he included a bookmark that his son had made me for valentine's day in the box with my things. Now, not being a cruel person, I decided I had to acknowledge it. So I sent him a thank you note telling him how much I loved it. He drew pictures of the dogs on it. Very cute. I figured that it was up to the ex to decide to give it to him or not. What I didn't expect is that his son would call me from the grandmother's phone. Sigh...I thanked him again, but apparently the ex figured it was a good idea to not tell the kid that we're not dating anymore. Yeah, really great. So when the kid asked when he would see me, I told him he really had to just talk to his father about that. I felt like a shit.

Last thought of the day. Whoever came up with the great idea of "Spin" classes should be beaten. No, worse than that. They should be drawn and quartered.

I went to my first spin class on Sunday. All of my friends have raved about the classes and how much I'll love it. I woke up bright and early Sunday morning to go to my first class at 9:15. Now this is huge for me, because I am not a morning person, and Sunday's are made for sleeping in.

So I arrive at the gym in my little workout clothes with my bottle of water and towel. The class is pretty crowded for a Sunday morning with people of all sizes and ages. A lot of them were a lot heavier than I am. I thought to myself "Ha! Piece of cake!"

Then the perky Irish instructor comes in with her little blonde pony tale and fit, toned body. I hated her at first sight. Then the class began. 55 minutes of hell. Stand up, sit down! I felt like I was at church. After the first 10 minutes I was praying to god like I was in church!

I start to realize a few things.

1- I am WAY out of shape.
2- The sweats I'm wearing make my thighs look like jello stuffed in gray sausage casing.
3- The sweats look ok at home. Where no one can see me.
4- I'm so short that when I try to stand and pedal, the seat repeatedly slams into my ass/crotch.
5- I wonder if I will have to have the seat extracted from my ass in the ER.
6- Why is the 65 yr old lady next to me making this look easy, damn her?

Oh, who am I kidding? I lasted 30 minutes and three days later, my ass still hurts.

A Date? Or not a date?

2009-03-05T14:30:00.002-05:00

I had to pick Mom and Sis up from the airport on Tuesday. So at lunch, I ran out to fill up the car with gas because Boston traffic sucks, and you never know how long you'll be sitting in it. I wasn't going to take my chances with a half a tank of gas. I was having a pretty good day, and had actually gotten up early so I had taken my time with hair and makeup. Thank god!

Now this is a pretty good size station. They have like 8 pumps on each side of an island. As I'm standing there pumping gas, a truck pulls up behind me and a guy gets out and I gave a quick glance, and looked away. The guy is talking on a cell. Then I hear his voice. I look again, and realize it's an old friend of mine. We haven't seen each other in about three years and lost touch. And the funny part is that he didn't recognize me until he heard my voice. I've cut my hair and it's straight (when I take the time to battle all the curls). We exchanged numbers with promises to get together soon.

Now, we met through another friend years ago who wanted us to meet because he thought we'd hit it off. And we did. As friends. The timing just was never right. And then I see him this week. He looks wonderful. We had a great chat on the phone the other night and we're having dinner tomorrow. And part of me wonders if this is the time?

I mean, what are the odds of us running into each other like that? I live an hour away and though he works in the same town as I do, we haven't run into each other in the year I've been working here. I usually get my gas closer to home, and he was actually supposed to be working that day, but ended up having the afternoon off. Five minutes in either direction and we would have totally missed each other.

But...I'm in that "I want no part of dating" mode, so is this a date or not a date? I'm thinking I should just consider it as dinner between old friends. I don't want to rush into anything, but honestly, I haven't had sex since Christmas. I mean WTF....it feels like FOREVER.

In my personal "date or not a date" guidebook, it states if you don't shave your legs, then it's not a date. That covers two things. It makes it not a date, and it makes sure I keep my clothes on, so it might just be a solution.

I'll keep you posted.

Concierge Service

2009-02-26T18:59:00.003-05:00

I've decided that I need to start charging my family for concierge services. Seriously. As I previously mentioned, I offered to drive Mom and Sis to the airport. I warned Sis that she better be ready to go when I get there at 6 am.

Of course she wasn't. I purposely got there 20 minutes early because I knew I'd have to whip her into shape. When I walked in the house she was still stuffing clothes into a suitcase. One of three. Not counting her purse and carry on. Um...no. I don't think so. I asked her what was in the second suitcase and she said "shoes". Are you kidding me? They are only going from Wednesday to Monday!! She had 10 different workout clothes, at least 20 little hootchie dresses (she's a mother of 4...um, yeah), 25 shirts, enough bra's and underwear for a month! She could have totally dressed corner of prostitutes for a month! And then a garment bag for her business clothes! At least 7 different suits! And they were all shoved in there with no order.

Um, yeah. No. Told her straight up, no way in hell. So at 5:40 in the morning, I repacked her suitcase. I got her down to one suitcase, a garment bag, carry-on and her purse. Then there was my Mom with her suitcase, carry on and purse. I swear to god, when I dropped them off at the airport they looked like the Beverly Hillbillies.

After safely delivering them to the airport, I drive to work to arrange to have Dad's wife's coat shipped back. What the hell ever happened to southern hospitality? They will ship it back if I send down a shipping bag, label with the account number on it. I mean, seriously. I was going to give them the account number over the phone! So not only do I have to pay to get the coat shipped back, which was fine, but I also have to pay to ship the damn bag down there!

And then I get home. And get the phone call from Mom and Sis. The hotel is horrible. The rooms look like something from the 70's. The rooms and halls smell. They are afraid to sit on the beds, and can I find them a new room. I looked up the hotel and read the reviews. I can't believe they even booked there. One review talked about roaches in the hotel. There was maybe two reviews that were actually positive. Three calls later, they are booked into the Hilton. They lost one nights stay, but I think it was worth it.

Today comes the call from Dad. How does he get home over the Tapanzee Bridge instead of the GW? And why didn't I take the GW when I used to travel. Well, that's easy. The GW is a clusterf*ck, that's why!!! I don't care why time I used to travel through New York, I never made it over the GW without at least a 45 minute delay. So gave Dad the routes he needed to take from Cape May, NJ over the Tapanzee home to MA.

And not to be outdone...Mom called on my way home. Apparently she went to use her ATM card today and it wouldn't work. Turns out the new ATM card she got last week was not her ATM card, but her credit card and now she has no cash for the week. So first thing tomorrow morning, I have to Western Union money out to her so she has cash for the week for tips etc.

Sigh...I can't wait until everyone is home so I can relax. I'm going to need a vacation to recover from their vacations!!!

I think I'm broken....

2009-02-24T19:28:00.004-05:00

Don't most people have a filter that stops things from coming out of their mouth?

I think mine is broken.

I'm not talking about the filter that stops mean things from coming out of your mouth. I'm talking about the one that doesn't let you say no to people. Or before you can stop yourself from saying "I'll drive you to the airport", the words are out.

For example, my mother and sister are going to San Diego for a week. While Mom and I were discussing the cheapest place to park at Logan (there is none) I hear the words coming out of my mouth. "I'll drive you to the airport." Then it hits me. They have to leave for the airport at 6 A.M. I live 45 minutes away. Which means I have to get up at 4 to get them and drive them to Logan, then go to work. Ouch...Did I mention I'm NOT a morning person? But it's my mom. And according to my sister, I'll rack up daughter and sister points. What ever the hell that means. I didn't have the heart to tell my sister that I'm full up on points.

Example two- The bio-dad calls today. He and the wife # 3 are on vacation. They are currently driving back up the coast from Florida. Apparently Wife left her coat in a diner somewhere in South Carolina. All he knows is it was called Kettle something. So being the good daughter, I Google Kettle Diner in South Carolina. Turns out the Kettle Diner is actually in Jackson, North Carolina and yes they do have the coat. But I have to call the General Manager tomorrow to see if she will agree to ship it to me if I give her the UPS account number.

And hour later, Dad calls again. Can I get him the number of the Mirage in Vegas. Now since I can't follow the logic of why he wants the number in Vegas when he's in North Carolina, I made the mistake of asking. Turns out that they are staying in Atlantic City for the night and wants to know which hotels are affiliated with the Mirage. Christ Jesus, why didn't he just say so? So I look it up. The Borgata. Here's the number Dad. Have fun on vacation.

So I guess my other question is why is everyone on vacation but me?

Operation Prada

2009-02-22T17:30:00.002-05:00

Well, it's been a week since the breakup and I had to decide if I had anything at the ex's place that I really needed to have back. I didn't really want to have to go there for two reasons.

One, it's a 40 mile drive. I hate that drive. Two, it's been almost three weeks since I've seen the puppy, and I knew I would get upset if I had to say goodbye to her.

So I went through the mental list. A few sweatshirts. Bathroom stuff (hey, I'd rather smell like mango than musk. Sue me) A pair of slippers. All these things I can live without. Then it hit me.

My black Prada purse is hanging on the back of the bedroom door. Shit.

It's not like it's a Target one that I can live without. It's freaking PRADA!

So my best friend offered to go with me. Thank God for her. We decided to go Friday night after he went to work. I really did not want to hear a grown man beg. It's kind of pathetic. Friday afternoon I get a text from her.

"Is Operation Prada still a go?"

I just about pissed myself laughing. So I sent her the theme song from Mission Impossible.

I don't know how she did it, but she made a situation that should have been upsetting, freaking hysterical!

Operation Prada was a total success.

Followed by Operation Tequila...

and Operation Hangover.

I have the best friends!

Na na na na na na Na na na na na

2009-02-16T22:20:00.002-05:00

"I guess I just lost my husband, I don't know where he went"

So the drama is finally over. I've decided relationships are kind of like plants. If you don't water them, feed them, and give them some sunshine, they die. Which is an ironic analogy for me, because I think I have a black thumb when it comes to plants. But it's true. The ex-SO didn't really do anything wrong. He just didn't do ANYTHING. At all.

I do feel a bit bad that it all went down the day before Valentine's Day (aka Capitalist Bureaucracy Holiday). But that is the only thing I'm feeling. I keep thinking that I should be sad. Or miss him. But I feel nothing. Well, I kind of miss the puppy. I got more love and attention from her than I did him.

I guess the only thing I'm dreading is dating again at some point. I've had a few winners in my past. There was the guy that I met through a friend. We'll call him Mark. Mark showed up over an hour late. Wearing ripped jeans (think Def Leppard shredded) and a doo rag. On.A.First.Date. Because we had a friend in common, I actually went. In the middle of dinner, we had the following conversation.

Mark- "So, are we going to have sex tonight?"
Me- blink. blink.
Mark- "I don't like condom's. But I've been tested and I don't have any diseases."
Me- "Listen, pal. I don't know who you'll be having sex with tonight, but it sure as hell won't be me!"

Waiter! Check please!

So I'm really dreading entering into that world again. But the good thing is that I'm pretty damn happy with my life alone. If I meet someone else down the road, great. But I won't settle for a selfish bastard EVER again. But if anyone UP THERE is listening? Try not to send me anymore of the idiots for awhile. I really need a break.

Asshat

2009-02-09T21:07:00.002-05:00

For the first time in god knows how long, I was looking forward to a Presidential Address. I was so excited to finally hear a President speak in coherent sentences. Then came the the question and answer section. Unscripted! Yes! I can't wait to hear his answers. Then some asshat has to ask the Stupid Question of the Night.

"Mr President, what do you think about A-Rod's admission to using steriods?"

*Blink. Blink*

Are you kidding me? We are in one of the worst financial situations we have seen in decades. Our troops are dying in Iraq. And your that is your big question?

You deserve a bitchslap.

Grace part duex

2009-02-06T22:59:00.006-05:00

So the crutches met their demise this morning. Do you know how hard it is to walk on those freaking things when there isn't any ice? Well, thanks to my wonderful landlord, I have a freaking ice rink in my driveway. So the crutches took a nice little flight across the driveway, after which they were unceremoniously run over by a car. Multiple times. Oh yeah. My car.

The crutches and I have a bit of history together. Before I became a girly girl, I was a biker bitch. But a classy biker bitch, IMO. Well, maybe not all the time. But I digress.

My love affair with motorcycles started about the same time as my first tattoo. Incidentally, the same guy who talked me into the tattoo was the one that owned the Harley. After a few years (ok, a lot of years) I decided I was tired of waiting for someone to take me on a ride, so I bought my own for my 30th birthday. It opened up a whole new world for me. There was nothing else I enjoyed as much as hopping on the bike and feeling the sun on my face.

Then...it happened.

Biker's are a strange lot. When one of us dies, it's a sign of respect to ride to the wake/funeral. I was riding alone to a friend's wake about 4 years ago and I was about a 1/4 mile away from the funeral home when an asshat driving a blue Ford Taurus pulled out in front of me. Of course she was talking on a cell phone and "didn't see me". Let me tell you, the worst feeling in the world is that instant that you realize there is no way in hell you're going to be able to stop. In that split second I thought "Oh shit. This is going to hurt".

SMASH!!!

Oh yeah. That hurt. My first thought as I was lying on the ground in a puddle of gas was "My mother is going to freak". The next was "Shit, I broke a nail!"

Then the pain hit...For the love of god. Horrible.

But I'm one of those people that doesn't scream and cry and carry on. I crack jokes. After I tried to take a swing at the twatwaffle who hit me. (tough to do laying on the ground.) The EMT's arrived and started checking things out. They advised me that no, they didn't think it was a good idea for me to have a cigarette at that time, and what hospital would I like to go to (there are 4 in the surrounding towns). Hell, Med City has a Dunkin Donuts, so that's where I want to be. It would have been a more enjoyable ride if I hadn't felt like every bone on my body was being smashed with a hammer and if the ambulance hadn't hit every pot hole on the drive.

We arrive at the hospital and they tell me they have to cut my clothes off. Ok. I get that they don't want to move me too much until they know what's wrong, but I have my favorite bra on from Vickie's and that sucker costs $60 and fits perfect! I told the doc, no way in hell you're cutting that off. "Well, Nora, we need to get it off you." Hey, you're a guy! Figure it out!

Turns out I had fractured my pelvis. In two places. Apparently, it's not a normal thing to slam your pelvis into a gas tank of a bike at 40 mph. Who knew?

That dent at the base of the tank? Yeah, my pelvis did that.

Then the long months of mortification started. It was bad enough that my father was in the room when the doc comes in with the x-rays. Dear old Dad now knows where every body piercing is and what type of birth control I use. Thanks for that, Doc.

There is nothing they can do for a fractured pelvis. I had to stay off it, and stay still. Of course, both my parents wanted me to come recover at their houses. Yeah, not going to happen. They both live an hour away from me, and I have cats to take care of. I made them take me home. I figured that my place is all one level, so it would be easier. In retrospect, this might not have been the best thing.

It's 4th of July weekend. And my cable goes out. Of course they can't fix it until Tuesday, so the only station I got had a Rocky marathon. Back to back. Over and over again. FOR THREE DAYS. I can't drive. Get in and out of the shower alone. It's very humbling to ask a friend to help you get into the shower. Then there is the challenge of carrying things. How do you carry a plate of food while on crutches? I lived on PB&J for three months. I would put them in a ziplock back and throw it from the kitchen to the living room. Or carry a glass of soda or coffee? Yup. Threw a can of soda and then had to wait to open it. The delivery people in the neighborhood and I became fast friends, let me tell you. After a month of being stuck inside, I started hitting on the PeaPod delivery boy (he was maybe 21).

Peapod guy "Where do you want it, Ma'am?"
Me- "I've been stuck inside for a month, that's a loaded question"
PG- "I mean your groceries"
Me- "Oh. In the kitchen. Thanks"

I wept when the doctor told me three months later that I could get rid of the crutches.

To this day, when I hear "Eye of the Tiger" my pelvis aches.

Just call me Grace

2009-02-02T17:12:00.004-05:00

Yesterday I actually started out in a great mood! Looking forward to giving myself a break from the whole diet thing. After all, it was Superbowl Sunday. That's a good enough reason to dive into some wings and nachos, right? Besides, I was drinking Mich Ultra, and that really doesn't count. The SO and I went to his buddy's house to watch the game. Now, since my Pats were out of it, I wasn't as excited as I could be, but even I was impressed by James Harrison's 100 yard interception return for a touchdown in the 2nd quarter.

I wish I was that graceful. I'm not.

Somehow, I managed to slip on the ice and chip a bone in my ankle. Are you kidding me? I was totally sober, so it's not like I even have a good excuse for this level of stupidity. So now I have to hobble around on crutches for a week. Yeah. You should see the level of grace that I'm sporting on those suckers.

Is winter over yet, because I'm pretty much all set with it!

25 Things...

2009-01-29T19:47:00.003-05:00

1. My Mom is my best friend. I hope to become half the woman she is someday.

2. I feel that I value the people in my life more than they value me.

3. I have two cats and 1 1/2 dogs. Minnie the Chihuahua is my baby. She changed my life. Unconditional love is something that only Mom's and Dogs really understand. My oldest cat, Max is 17 years old and my first love. I got the second cat, Salem, when my then boyfriend told me if I got another cat he'd move out. He lied.

4. I am obsessed with Elvis. I spent 6 hours in Graceland, ate PB & banana sandwiches and cried at Elvis's grave. I wore a dress and heels because I didn't want to be disrespectful to the King.

5. I'm a bookworm. I have always read everything I can get my hands on. When I was younger, my mother used to take my books away when I was in trouble. I considered watching TV punishment.

6. I will watch the Godfather if it's on TV. No matter how many times I've watched it, I can't change the channel.

7. I have been engaged twice. Married, none. I think I may have commitment issues. Actually, I know I have commitment issues. I haven't found a man worthy of committing myself to forever. That's my issue.

8. I used to own a Harley. I loved it until I was hit by a woman talking on a cell phone. I spent 3 months alone in my apartment, with a broken pelvis, contemplating life under the influence of Vicodin. I realized life is too short to be miserable. And that PB&J gets old when you eat it three meals a day for three months.
.
9. I have 10 tattoo's. 6 body piercings (other than my ears) I don't regret any of them.

10. I had a stuffed owl as a child. My parents told me it flew away. I believed them.

11. In the blizzard of 78, our old Italian neighbor ate my pet rabbit, Thumper, when he couldn't get to the store for food. I hope Thumper gave him indigestion.

12. My favorite color is red. I have red in every room of my apartment in some way.

13. I trained to be a cop. I wish I didn't give it up to move back North. Corporate America pays the bills, but it will never be my passion. I am still looking for my passion.

14. I have over 10,000 songs on my ipod. And I'm not even done loading the cd's. I have forgotten more random music knowledge then most people will ever know in their life.

15.To date, the worst day of my life was when my dad died. I can remember every vivid detail, every second of that day. I still wake up at 4 am expecting to hear the phone ring. I wait for it to fade, but it doesn't.

16. I can't stand the quiet. There is always a radio, IPOD, CD or TV on. From the time I wake up in the morning, until the time I go to bed. I think I would rather live in the dark, then to live in silence.

17. The happiest time of my life was when I lived in VA Beach. It was also the worst.

18. I hibernate from November to April. The cold makes me bitchy.

19. I never thought I wanted children. But I offered to be a surrogate for my best friend. And yes, I would do anything for her. She has saved my life on more than one occasion.

20. I used to want plastic surgery. Big boobs, smaller nose. The older I've gotten, the more I've realized that if someone loves you only for your looks, that it's not the type of love I want.

21. I hate to be the one to end a relationship. I take the coward's way out and pick fights. I hate to hurt anyone, even if I know that the hurt will fade, and it's the best decision for both people.

22. Most people think I'm a cold, tough bitch. Those people don't really know me. I would do anything for those I love.

23. My dad taught me the most important lesson in life. "I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong".

24. Most days I forget to eat. Unless someone reminds me.

25. I thought my 20's were the best times of my life. Then I realized in my 30's that I hadn't seen anything yet. I am actually looking forward to what my 40's have to bring. I think women start to come into their own in their 30's, and the world better watch out when they perfect it in their 40's.

Tired

2009-01-28T18:12:00.002-05:00

Do you ever have those days where you are just tired? Of everything and everyone? I'm having one of those days.

This may turn into a rant. I apologize in advance.

I never make resolutions. Ever. Why make something that you know your not going to keep? Well, I think it's time to make one. And keep it. My entire life I have done everything to make everyone else happy. Even if that is at the expense of my own happiness. I give so much of myself and never expect anything in return. But you get to a point where you have nothing left to give. I'm tired of accepting less than what I give. Now, I've already mentioned that I think my mom is wonderful. I'll say it again. She is the one person in my life that I can ALWAYS count on. She has never let me down or fallen short of my expectations. Is it sad that she is the only one?

I'm the type of person that remembers everyone's birthdays, anniversaries. Their kids birthdays. I am the grandchild that always calls, visits. I am always the person everyone calls to bitch, or ask advice. Or fix their computer, TV, IPOD. It's always "Can you do this", "Can you help me with that?" But I don't feel that I have anyone to lean on. Including my SO.

I have to say that he is a great guy. But I think it's my fault that things are falling apart. I set a pattern from the start of not asking for what I needed from him. And doing too much. And in doing that, I set the pattern for our relationship. I was too available. Did too much. Made things too easy. In the 6 months we've been together, we've been out to dinner 4 times. Twice with his family, twice with mine. I don't think we've ever been out to dinner alone. He's been to my house once. I am there 3-4 times a week. Even though I have an hour commute to and from work, and then another 40 minutes to his house. He is a very quiet guy. But am I wrong in thinking that you should talk to the person who is supposed to be in love with you?

We barely ever go out. Night after night of being in the house gets old. For example. I told him that I wanted to go and see "Grand Turino". So he surprises me. Not with a night out, but a copy that he got somewhere to watch at home. Am I a bitch for being pissed because he just didn't get it? I.Wanted.To.Go.Out.

We just got the puppy fixed. The poor thing broke my heart. He doesn't let the dogs sleep on the bed. Which is fine on most nights. But she didn't cry as long as I was holding her. So instead of letting her sleep in the bed with us, I slept on the couch with the dog. Because he doesn't compromise.

I'm a people person. He is not. I feel like we lead two separate lives and he really doesn't know me at all. I've made things to comfortable.

I'm not sure where to go from here. How do you talk to someone who won't talk? How do you fix a relationship with someone who thinks nothing is wrong? How can he be so blind not to notice? Can you fix a relationship when you've started to resent the person?

All these questions, and I don't have answers for them.

Makers Mark

2009-01-19T20:51:00.003-05:00

Wait, That should have said Making Your Mark. Though a little bourbon wouldn't be bad right now.

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine that has just gone through a breakup and is being very reflective about the decisions he's made in his life. He was wondering how to "make his mark" on life.

It got me thinking. What kind of mark is more important? I guess it depends on how you look at it. Do you want to make your mark on society so that someday you're a Wikipedia entry?

Or do you want to make a more personal mark?

On the ones that come from you, come after you? For example. My step dad, Joe. Little background for you. Joe was a very quiet guy. Not flashy. Where he worked, he didn't want to be management. Was happy with what he did. Was happy and content with who he was. He could be rigid and stubborn in his thinking. But he was fair. He died 5 yrs ago. I think while he was alive, he never thought of the impact he had on others lives. We didn't.

There were over 500 people that came to his funeral. And cards to our family came for weeks after. Some where from people who he only dealt with via phone at work.

His granddaughter was 6 days old when he died. The youngest grandson was not even born yet. But they both know who Papa Joe was. The type of man he was. And that is because of us. His wife, his children. Those who came from him, and me, who did not. Because of us, his grandchildren will know the man he was. And will hopefully pass that to their children. The wife he chose stood by him for 25 years. And makes sure he lives on in us, in the grandchildren.

So, will that mark last 150 yrs? Maybe not. But what is more important? Making a mark that affects the lives of strangers? Or making a mark on the lives of your family, children, and friends?

I know what I would choose.

Minnie, Max and Mom

2009-01-13T22:01:00.007-05:00

My entire life my mother has been terrified of animals. All animals. Cats...Dogs... If it had fur and more than 2 legs, she wanted no part of it. Growing up the only animals I could have, had to be in a tank or a cage, and even that was pushing it.

When I first moved out on my own, the first thing I did was get a kitten. Max is my baby and he's now 17. He and my mom came to an understanding. He stayed away from her, she stayed away from him. Though this understanding had a lot to do with the squirt bottle I armed her with.

Max

About a year and a half ago, I decided to get a dog. I had watched a story on the news about all these bimbos who wanted little dogs to carry in their purses and when they realized they were more than an accessory, they dumped them in shelters.

The day I found Minnie, who is a 6 yr old Chihuahua, and informed my Mom that I was adopting a dog, she was less than thrilled with the idea. She tried to talk me out of it. One conversation went something like this:

Mom- Did you see what happened to Paula Abdul today?
Me- No, Ma, what happened?
Mom- She tripped over her Chihuahua and broke her nose.
Me- And???
Mom- I think that's a sign.
Me- A sign? What kind of sign?
Mom- I think Dad is sending you a message not to get the Chihuahua.
Me- Wait...Let me get this straight. Dad, from beyond the grave, made Paula Abdul trip over her dog to send me a message not to get a Chihuahua?
Mom- Exactly!

Over the past year and a half, she has come to love Minnie. She's her "grand-dog". But I think it has a lot to do with the fact that she can "boot her like a football" if she gets too close.

Minnie

Seriously? How can anyone be afraid of a dog in a coat with a fur collar?

In Shock

2009-01-09T13:04:00.002-05:00

So, I was thinking about posting a funny, witty story that a friend and I had the other day, when my ex called. (More on ex's later) A good friend of ours was cooking dinner for his girlfriend last night and as he went to get something out of the fridge, he had a massive coronary. He was dead before he hit the floor. 37 years old.

I am in total shock. I have no idea how to feel, what to do, what to say. How does that happen to a 37 year old man in the prime of his life? What is the purpose? That's why I thank God for every day I wake up. Life is too short. Live each day like it's your last.

Rest in Peace, Adrian.

Happy Freaking New Year...I'm fat...

2009-01-02T19:19:00.002-05:00

As I uploaded pictures from Christmas on the computer, I couldn't help but notice that I looked fat. I thought to myself, maybe it's just the way I was standing. Or sitting. Or maybe it was just the outfit. Then, on New Year's Day, I decided to step on the scale.

Then I got off the scale. No way that could have been right. So I got my dog. I know she weighs four pounds, so I put her on the scale to test it out. 4 pounds. Hmm... maybe I should try the other dog. She weighs 6 lbs.

The t-shirt I was wearing...that's what added to it. Oh! and the water-bra. That weighs at least a pound. So I stripped naked and got back on the scale. With my eyes closed. Slowly I opened one eye...then slammed it shut. Thought to myself, maybe something is wrong with my contacts? Opened the other eye. Sigh....

I slowly come to the realization that I officially weigh more than I ever have in my life.

I decided to blame it on the SO. He's 6'6" and can eat anything he wants. If I was 6'6", I'd be the perfect weight! But, I am 5'3". So unless I figure out how to gain 1'3" in height, I better work on losing 30 lbs instead. My goal is 30 lbs by June. I would like to get back to my pre-boyfriend weight. So if I have to suffer...so does he. Let the fun begin!

Christmas Gold

2008-12-29T21:29:00.003-05:00

Dad + Mom's ass= Dad appearing to kiss Mom's ass.

Christmas Gold, my friends. Christmas Gold.

What family is really normal?

2008-12-29T15:33:00.007-05:00

Since I just started this blog, I'll give you a bit of the back story on my family. Get comfortable, this could take awhile.

Cast of Characters:
Mom- my mom
Dad- my Dad
Mike- Step dad (father of Sis & Bro)
Ann -wife # 2 (Mother of Sis & Bro)
Ursula- Wife # 3 ( just a muther...I mean, Mother)

I am an only child. Then my parents got divorced.

Now this is where things get a little confusing, so try to keep up.

My parents and their best friends, Mike & Ann* all get divorced. Then Dad marries Ann and Mom marries Mike. Between them, they have three children.

So, over the years, all four of the parents are thrown together at various functions for us kids(Plays, dance recitals, communions etc. Amazingly, they are able to be civil for our sakes. (somehow Dad & Mike remain friends)

Then tragedy strikes! (cue dramatic music) Dad and Ann get divorced! And shortly after, Dad meets Ursula. and gets married.

As the we got older, my sis and bro got married, had children. Still, they all remained civil. Mike passed away in 2003. Devastates the family.

flash forward a few years. Mom, Ann & Ursula in the kitchen of Sister's house

Ann: (Dad's ex wife # 2 " He took me on a cruise to Aruba"

Ursula: (Wife # 3) " He took me to Rome"

Mom *blink*

Ann: " He bought me a gold and rubies"

Ursula: " He bought me platinum and diamonds"

Mom: * blink blink*

Later on that day...

Mom pulls me into another room and asks

Mom: " Did you hear Ann & Ursula trying to one-up each other?"

Me: "Yeah, Ma. I heard. and I'm proud of you that you didn't jump in there"

Mom: " I didn't jump in because I had him when he was poor and I got nothing. The way I figure it, I trained him for them, and they owe me half of everything they got!"

I love my Mom.

*names have been changed to protect the idiots...

Mojo Part Duex

2008-12-28T16:05:00.003-05:00

As I said before, the SO and I adopted a puppy together. I will state again that it was his idea to get said puppy. Because I am weak when it comes to puppies, I went along with it. I figured my dog Minnie would love the company. So we picked out this cute little Chihuahua and named her Mojo. The breeder said that she was the most laid back one in the litter. And she has the sweetest little face. Which is probably the only thing that saves her life on a daily basis.

Yeah... I reminded him that HE was the one that wanted a puppy.

Customer Service "Help"

2008-12-24T11:47:00.002-05:00

It's no surprise to anyone who knows me that I can't stand the holidays. Even more so, I can't stand the customer service agents that screw things up.

Here's the back story. I ordered my S.O. a photo book from Kodak. I ordered it Dec 5th so it would arrive by Christmas. I called last week. They said it should be here last week. So I called on Friday. They told me it would be here on Monday. I called on Monday. They said that they would replace my order and overnight it to me for delivery today.

That's great, I think to myself. In time for Christmas.

Today I went on the website to see the tracking number. Not there. I decided to use the friendly "CHAT" feature. Here is what followed:

: Hi, my name is Valeria G.. How may I help you?

Nora : I had an order that was replaced yesterday and was supposed to be overnighted to arrive today. The status is still showing "received"

Nora : order id 87122406

Valerie G: With overnight shipping, it does not always mean that the order can be processed that same day...let me take a look....1 moment please

Nora : I was told because the other one was lost, that it would be completed and shipped yesterday for delivery TODAY

Valerie G: I am sorry for the confusion, but if you just ordered a regular Classic Photo Book, it would have been shipped out with our express processing that we had. However, since this is a Personalized Cover Classic Photo Book, we were not able to do that....This order is still processing. The representative that you spkoe with was looking at the wrong deadline dates, and I do apologize for that

Nora : so can you tell me when to expect it? It was supposed to be a gift and I ordered it on Dec 5th so it would get here on time!

Nora : I mean, seriously, this is a mess

Valerie G: Unfortunately, there is not a way to tell the exact date that it will ship, but it can take 3-5 business days to process...I understand that this is unfortunate and very frustrating...It looks like you paid $6.99 for shipping, and I can refund that to you, but unfortunately, there is nothing that can be done at this point to get that book to you today

Nora : So you're telling me that you guys have no clue what you are doing, correct? that's just great. Thank you for looking into it. You've been so helpful. I will tell the S.O. that I have a gift for him, but Kodak can't tell me where it is, when it will be in, and maybe he'll get it at some point? Oh, and I'll give you the $6.99 because he had to wait? That's just awesome! I'm sure he will be thrilled with his gift.

Valerie G: Ok, I will put that request in to have that refunded to your credit card. Please note that we are slightly behind with refunds, so it make take longer than expected to receive it.....You will be notified via email when the refund goes back onto your card

Nora: So not only can you not tell me where my order is, when I'll get it, you're telling me that you're going to refund my shipping, but you can't tell me when. You guys are just amazing with customer service!

Valerie G: I would like to give you an additional coupon code...If you place your order after the expiration date, please contact us for another code for a discount
: Smile-N-Save 20% - DECSMILE2008

We'd like to offer you a 20% discount on prints, frames, photo albums, Archive CDs, Photo Books, Cards, Photo Calendars, and Photo Gifts. Use coupon code DECSMILE2008 when you spend $10 or more at the Gallery and you'll save 20% on any of these items. Just enter the coupon code at checkout and remember to click "Validate".

*Please note that this coupon is only good at Kodakgallery.com and does not apply to Digital Picture Frames, Same Day Orders, PhotoShow DVDs, PhotoStamps, or shipping. It is valid from 12/1/08 through 1/15/09.

Nora: Geez, that's just great! I can't wait to place an order after Kodak f*cked up this one! I'll get right on it!

Valerie G: Have a Happy Holiday!!

Nora: Twatwaffle.

Priceless

2008-12-21T22:58:00.002-05:00

Driving in the car in a snow storm with my friend/neighbor Erin. The radio is playing random "holiday" music. The DJ comes on between songs.

DJ- "Who is afraid of Santa Claus?"

Erin- "Jewish people"

Priceless.

Mo

2008-12-19T19:35:00.003-05:00

The boyfriend and I share custody of a 4 month old Chihuahua, Mo. Cute as hell. One problem. She eats her poop. And tries to lick our faces. See a problem here? I do.

At her normal vet appointment, the BF asked the vet how to get her to stop this nasty habit, so the vet gave him something to put in her food today so it will make her food nasty so she doesn’t eat it. I figured poop would be nasty in the first place, but apparently not to a puppy. The long and short of it is that since she has a high metabolism, the food passes through her too fast and still tastes/smells like steak. And since I’ve been blessed with the smell of her poop, I can attest that it does NOT smell like steak. I however, refuse to confirm that it also does NOT taste like steak. I will take his word for it.

My new all time favorite word

2008-12-18T14:21:00.001-05:00

Twatwaffle. Enough said.

Why I Hate New England

2008-12-17T15:14:00.002-05:00

This is why I hate New England. Or maybe it should be "Why I hate winter". Scratch that. "Why I hate weather people"....much better. Do they think if they put cute little snowflakes on the forecast that it will make us feel better that good old Mama Nature is going to give us one hell of a b*tch slap?

I think they need to step it up a notch. Maybe add a little smiley face to the snowflakes? Or what about a scarf? I mean, snowflakes must get cold, right?

I'm not going to feel miserable when I'm sitting in traffic on 95, outside Boston for 2 hours, surrounded by people who forgot how to drive (after living here their whole lives) if the weather person adds happy freezing snowflakes to the weather report.

Confession

2008-12-17T14:45:00.000-05:00

My name is Nora and I'm a "lurker".

Not sure how it began, but there it is. Since there is seemingly no end in sight, the old adage "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em" comes to mind.

One thing I have learned in my lurking days is that I am not the only one who thinks this way! So where will this go? Not sure yet. But I'm hoping if one person stops and says "Holy shit! That happened to me" then I will be satisfied. Because if I hear "That can only happen to you, Nora", one more time, I think I will scream.